


Fix You

by IndisputablyTrashy (blackbirbs)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive!Caliborn, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Childhood Friends, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Jake, Sexual Content, Very slight Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:52:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6985933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbirbs/pseuds/IndisputablyTrashy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jake is still young, he falls in love with his childhood best friend, Dirk.<br/>When Jake founds out that Dirk's leaving, he promises himself that he won't fall in love with any other person but Dirk.<br/>When Jake meets Dirk again after so many years, he keeps his promise and falls in love with Dirk all over again.<br/>When Jake sees Dirk's bruises and scars inflicted by his abusive boyfriend, he falls in love even more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lights will guide you home

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another fanfic inspired by a song, only this time, a song by Coldplay. I am shit at writing and I'm terribly sorry for that, but I hope you enjoy this fic while it lasts :)

Your name is Jake English and you are eight years old. And you think you just met the love of your life.

People say that you're still too young to fall in love, but you're pretty much sure that you love this person. You can't really help it!

Most adults say that if you love someone, you'll find them pretty or beautiful. And well, this kid that you just saved from those bullies is really pretty.

You've seen him a couple of times in your school, especially on the playground. Light blond hair that's always styled like he's from an anime. And he's always wearing these triangular shades. He's in a different section from you. He belongs to the section where the smarter students belong to.

Whenever you see him on the playground, he's always by the small bench near the slide. You see him alone and always reading a book. Even though you haven't really talked to him, you find him very pretty. You've always wanted, though, but you're always too shy to approach him.

That's why when you saw that he's being bullied by this mean kid after school, you came to the rescue and protected him.

Well, you didn't have the chance to really protect him. Because you ended up getting beaten up by the bullies and his sunglasses thrown and broken by them. But at least he was the one who didn't get beaten up.

You picked up the fallen black, triangular sunglasses from the floor and handed it to him. Then you catch sight of those orange eyes.

His wonderful orange eyes.

"You're really pretty." you suddenly blurt out.

He raises an eyebrow before answering. "Thanks. But you're really stupid, 'ya know that?"

Offended, your eyes widen at his insult. "What do you mean?"

He lets out an exasperated sigh. "You should've done that. Now look at you, your nose is bleeding."

You grin cheekily at him. "I don't mind. As long as you and your pretty face doesn't get hurt."

Hearing you using the same adjective again, his pale face turns to a shade of pink. With this, you see his freckles becoming more noticeable. "Why d'you keep calling me that? Girls could only be called 'pretty'."

You frown. "But you _are_ pretty. Being called 'pretty' doesn't mean that you're a girl."

He then shrugs, picking up his school bag that has fallen on the ground. He puts his broken shades in it before gesturing you to follow him. He starts walking towards the road with you behind him.

"You should come to my house," he states briefly. "With that, Bro could take care of your wounds and we could hang. You seem to be a pretty cool guy. Pretty stupid, but still cool."

Within an instant, you feel giddy at his statement. Heck yes, you're going to be friends with him! With uh... You still don't know his name.

"Hey, I - uh, I still don't know your name." you admit sheepishly.

"It's Dirk, Dirk Strider." he says.

"Oh, cool! Mine's Jake English. It's nice to meet ya'!" you smile at him.

You catch sight of him smiling a bit. "Me too."

* * *

Your name is Jake English and you are twelve years old. And now, it seems that the tables have been turned.

Back when you first met Dirk, you were the one getting beaten up by bullies because you were defending him. Now, it's the other way around.

When Dirk started training with his brother on how to fight, those bullies backed down. That was the time when Dirk almost broke one of the bully's nose. They immediately backed off, not wanting to deal with Dirk anymore.

So that's why they started picking on other people. Other people that they know who can't fight. Other people namely: you.

They cornered you at the back of the school, calling you names and threatening you and all that crap. At first, you tried to struggle and to fight. But they know that you never really are the person who can throw a punch. After all, they had beaten _you_  in place of Dirk all those years.

Dirk eventually finds you in the clutches of those mean bullies. He must have searched for you. Why wouldn't he? You two are going to hang out in his and his brother's apartment. Maybe he waited for you by your meeting place. And when he noticed you were late, he must have known the something's up.

And now Dirk's getting beaten up because of you. In a normal fight, Dirk would easily win. Heck, he could even take all four of them, but the leader started to fight dirty.

One of them held you down, unable to even give the slightest help for your friend. You desperately tried to squirm and struggle, but to no avail. The boy holding you was much stronger than you.

Once those bullies were done, they finally leave the two of you, dark smirks plastered on their faces. You hear Dirk groaning in pain. You waste no time in standing up and running up to his laying form.

He's got his face badly bruised, his nose bleeding probably broken, and his lips split open. You instantly feel guilty for letting this happen to him and angry at those bullies for hurting Dirk's pretty face.

"You're stupid, you know what?" you state as you help him stand up.

"Hey, that's my line." your best friend grumbles weakly, wincing in pain.

"Do I look like I care?" you roll your eyes. "Come on, your brother might be already waiting for us. You shouldn't have helped me, Dirk."

He lets out a dry laugh. "Yeah, and let you get beaten up once again? Not a chance in hell. I should pro'lly teach them a lesson tomorrow."

"Dirk, no." you disagree as you pick up his broken (again) shades before slinging his left arm around your neck. "You'd only get in trouble."

"I should just let my bro goddamn handle this then," he mutters.

"You know, you don't have to protect me all the time if this continues. I can take care of myself."

He rolls his eyes at you. "Bullshit, you can't even protect me, let alone yourself. And you can't stop me, you know I'd always protect you. Even if it's the last thing I'd do."

"I guess you're not going to leave me, then?" you ask, looking at him.

"Never," Dirk says, looking back at you with a smile.

* * *

Your name is Jake English and you are sixteen years old. And today, he is leaving you.

Apparently, Dirk's brother had a promotion on his job. This needed the Strider brothers to pack up their bags and move to another state.

So now you're in their house for a sleepover and to hang out with Dirk one last time before he leaves for good. The two of you played videos games and watched movies all night. You used all the remaining time you that can have with him. Not missing a single second, nor missing a single beat.

By the time morning came, you watch him pack his stuff. His clothes, tools, turntables, robots, blueprints, metal scraps, everything. This leaves his used-to-be messy room into a cold, empty one. Just seeing the empty room and realizing that you'll never be able to go to it again makes your heart ache.

Once he's finished packing, you follow him outside and help carry the boxes that contain his stuff. He puts the boxes in the back part of their van, letting you do the same with the rest of them.

After that, his brother gives you an extra amount of time before finally saying goodbye.

"So," you start, not making the effort to hide the sadness in your voice. "I guess this is where we say goodbye?"

You can feel Dirk rolling his eyes behind his shades. "It's not really 'goodbye', English. We'll keep in touch, remember?"

"I know," you choked, feeling the tears prick your eyes. Codswallop, you promised yourself that you wouldn't cry.

"C'mere, you big baby." The tall blond says as he pulls you close into a tight hug. He must have seen the tears waiting to be shed from your eyes.

You bury your face in his chest and let the tears fall freely, not caring that your tears are making a wet spot on his shirt. You feel the thin fingers of his hand caressing your back.

It's always been like this if you're hurt or sad or in need to let out the tears. Dirk would just hold you in his arms as you cry. He'd calm you by tracing his nimble fingers across you back in reassurance. You two would stay like that until you've finally calmed down.

You kinda wish you two could stay like that for all eternity. But having him all to yourself is kinda selfish. His not yours, your not his. And you need to let him go.

So you did.

You break the hug sooner than Dirk would've thought. He raises an eyebrow as he sees that you still haven't completely calmed down.

"Jake -"

"You should go." you interrupt him. "I don't really want to delay you and your brother from your flight or anything. Go, I'll be fine. I promise."

Dirk looks at you with a frown. He leans down and places a sloppy kiss on your cheek. Your heart leaps as you feel his warm lips meet your skin. But you know it's only a friendly gesture between the two of you. "You better be, English."

"I will," you reply, watching him go inside the car. He looks at you one last time from the window before mouthing a 'bye'.

You wave goodbye at him, tears still falling your face. Seconds later, the van's engine roars to life and they are off.

 _I love you_.

Those are the words you left unsaid as you see their car go far, far away from the apartment.

Far, far away from you.

You think that maybe, just maybe, you'll see him again someday when both of you are ready enough. And only then you'll finally say those words to him.

Because you're sure you'll never love another person besides Dirk Strider.

* * *

Your name is Jake English and you are twenty-three years old. And oh fucking hell, this day couldn't possibly go any _worse_.

You are currently at the bookstore where you are now working on as a cashier. You can feel the heated glances your manager keeps on giving you. And you swear that sooner or later today, he would probably fire you. Great, just the thing you need.

This morning, you slept through your alarm and woke up completely late. Which caused you to be late at work as well. Which caused your boss to flipping scold at you first thing in the morning. Which caused a lot of customers to stare at the two of you. Which caused you a lot of embarrassment.

It's not entirely his fault for getting pissed off. Several times, you've been late to work because of oversleeping. Because of that, it's making your boss angry and irritated at you. And you keep on doing so because you also have night shifts in another job that you have. So you always oversleep.

You need the extra money. And having both jobs work quite well to sustain your and your grandmother's needs. You don't go to college anymore because you need to take care of your grandma.

She's the only person left that you consider as family in this world. She took good care of you when you were young, so now you're returning the favor to her.

But even though having two jobs lets you have extra money, it still stresses you like hell. You struggle so much between work and keeping you and your grandmother alive. And it's fucking wearing you off.

"Everything alright, Jake?" you hear your fellow co-worker and best friend, Jane Crocker asks you in concern. She's at the next counter, just beside you. With this, you could always talk to her while still doing your job.

"I'm fine, Jane. I'm just tired, is all. Thanks for asking anyway." you reply, giving her a wry smile.

You first met Jane in a bakery that her Dad owns. Just like her father, she loves to bake different kinds of pastries and bread. She's pretty much rich because of the profit her father gains from the shop. She used to help around her father's bakery, but she then decided that she wants to be on her own for a while.

Jane wanted to be independent and to gain her own money without the help of her father. That's why she left and rented an apartment of her own. It's not long enough that you told her about the job application in this bookstore you two are now working on.

Once, she told you about this ongoing crush she had with you. You're pretty much baffled because of that and she asked if it's alright with the fact of the two of you dating. But as much as you liked Jane, you don't like her in a much more romantic way. Jane accepted and the two of you remained the best of friends.

Not to mention that you're still fulfilling a promise you made to yourself when you were sixteen.

And yes, you still haven't loved another person that isn't your childhood best friend.

It's hard to move on, even though you two have lost connection for almost five years. You two used to text and call each other for almost all the time. You two would catch up with each other, update each other on your respective lives.

But it all changed when Dirk got into this prestigious robotics school for college. He gradually became busier because of his college life. And you became busy with taking care of your grandma. It's not long before the two of you cut off your ties with each other. You stopped talking to him, he stopped talking to you. The two of you moved on with your own lives.

Sometimes, you wonder if he's forgotten about you.

Sometimes, you wonder if you could even forget about him.

You highly doubt that, though. You're too stuck in love to move on. You find it silly, to be honest. How could you even still love a person that you haven't even seen face to face in about seven years?

But no matter how hard you try to force yourself in liking other people, you can't help but feel like it's wrong. Like your cheating on him.

Which is fucking bullocks, the guy probably doesn't even remember your name anymore.

It frustrates you most of the time. It leaves you stressed as fuck. It tires you, but it also makes you anxious and restless. You fucking hate it.

But wow, you really need to learn how to handle your shit.

You finally shrug off your thoughts about Dirk. You'd probably just stress yourself some more. You mumble out a 'next' as soon as the previous customer gets the things she bought and leaves.

The next customer places his purchases on your desk. The books are thick and that it's about advanced robotics engineering and A.I. programming. _Wow, this one must be super smart_. You sarcastically thought to yourself.

It's not a while before you start on punching the customer's purchases. You scan the barcodes of each book and you see it register on the computer. Once you're done with that, you voice out the total amount he needs to pay.

"Jake?" you hear the customer say in disbelief. Noticing that the customer had a deep voice, he must be a dude. Funny, he has a familiar voice.

"Yes, sir," you mutter dryly, not really paying attention to him. "That's my name, it's clearly on my name tag."

"No, no. English? Jake English?"

Your eyebrows furrow. How did he know your last name? It's not on the name tag or anything. And you don't really have a lot of (male) friends. And not a lot of your friends know your surname, just your close friends like Jane. So how did he...

And that's when you realized. Books about robotics and A.I. programming and a familiar masculine voice. It all comes crashing on you as you look up at your current customer.

For a moment there, you could've sworn that your heartbeat stops as you see him. Anime-styled blond hair, angular face, pale skin, dotting freckles, _triangular shades_.

Fucking speak of the devil.

"Dirk?" you breath out.

"Hey," he mutters awkwardly, a small smile on his face. "Long time no see, I guess?"

Fuck.

Fucking, fuck.

Shit, fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck.

It's him. God fucking damn it, it's _him_.

It's Dirk.

 _It's Dirk_.

Your brain kinda short-circuits as that plain sentence plays in your head over and over again. Holy shit, you don't really know what to say, or to do, or even fucking _feel_. Because _fuck_ , it's your childhood best friend that you had a not-so-short-because-it-kinda-went-for-about-sixteen-years crush on.

It's him, it's Dirk. He's here and you don't know why the fuck are you so freaked out about this. Shit.

"Um... Jake? You alright?" he asks you as you just look at him, eyes wide and mouth gaping like a fish. Holy shit, he _remembers_. He remembers and recognizes _you_  after all those years. And you can't help but be so fucking happy right not.

"I - fuck, shit. Hey," you answer, raising a hand in an attempt to wave at him. Wow, real smooth there, English.

Dirk actually laughs at that. And your stomach does this weird flippy, somersault thingy as you heard it. Shit, you really missed his laugh. "Here's the payment, chief. I wouldn't want to hold up the line." 

You look down at him hand and realized that he's apparently giving you money. With a trembling hand, you reach towards his hand to get the whole bill. Dazed, you open the cash register and put in his payment before collecting some coins for his change.

You hand out his change and both of your hands briefly touches each other. Your heart is beating so loud you wonder if Dirk could hear it too.

You put his newly bought book in a paper bag and hand it to him. You smile at him, anxious. "Here you go, Dirk. I hope you come again."

He smiles a little back at you. It's just as nervous as yours. "Yeah, I was wondering what time your shift ends? I kinda thought that we should like - talk or something. You know, catch up on each other after all the years. And as much as I want to talk right now, we can't really do it here while you work. How long has it been? It's been what - seven years?"

You nod. "Yes, it really has been a long time. Also, my shift ends at three."

He smile widens a little. "Sweet, I'll just buy more stuff around the mall to pass the time. We'll meet here later after you've finished your shift."

"Sure," you agree, beaming at him.

"See you later, English." he waves at you as he exits the store. You wave enthusiastically at him in return. Seconds later, you turned to your next customer with a huge smile on your face.

Because this day just got a _whole_ lot better.


	2. High up above or down below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Dirk have a chance to hang out together and catch up with each other after all the years. Everything's going perfect, until Dirk gets a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back. I hope you like this chapter :)

 

Your name is Jake English and wow you are so fucking excited right now!

Once your shift (also Jane's) ends, you and Jane say your goodbyes for each other. In most times, you two take the bus together when going home to your respective apartments. But since you have a reunion with your childhood best friend, you'd have to stay at the mall for a while.

Dirk is already waiting at the entrance of the store when you and Jane are saying goodbye. You introduce Jane to Dirk and Dirk to Jane. Both of them shake their hands with smiles on their faces. When all that's said and done, Jane finally walks away from the two of you.

"She seems nice," the blonde beside you states.

You nod. "Yeah, Jane's amazing. She's like - my best friend in the whole wide world."

Dirk gives you a knowing smirk. "Any plans on dating her?"

You can feel yourself immediately blush from what he said. Embarrassed, you still shake your head. Again, you like Jane, that's true, but only as a friend. But to be honest, you don't know why you blushed. You guess it's because it's your _crush_ that's asking you that.

"I - I don't really like Jane that way," you explain. "Only as a friend."

"Got anyone in mind then?" Dirk's smirk widens.

_Oh gee, I don't know. You would definitely fit the answer_. you think, trying hard not to blush even further. "I don't have anyone in mind at the moment. Let's just go, okay? No more questions about my love life."

Dirk chuckles at your fumbling. "Whatever you say, dude."

The two of you end up in a small cafe located in the deeper parts of the mall. You sit on a table for two as a waitress spots you and gets your order. You don't drink coffee that much, so you ordered a hot cocoa instead. Meanwhile, Dirk orders black coffee and a blueberry muffin.

"So," Dirk starts, resting his chin on the back of his left hand. "What do you wanna talk about, Jake English?"

You shrug, not really knowing what to talk about. "I dunno, you're the one who asked for a mini-reunion."

The blond across you smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't plan much about this. I wasn't expecting to see my childhood best friend working as a cashier on a bookstore."

"Well, how 'bout we start catching up and updating each other about our lives. You finally live here again?"

Dirk nods at your question. "Yeah, ever since I graduated college, I kinda wanted to come back here in this city. It's not as huge as the previous city my brother and I lived in, but somehow, I liked it better. It's not that polluted or urbanized, and not much is going around. I've rented an apartment, and I'm now looking for a job. Though I still work freelance, it's better to have a constant job in some nearby company."

You also nod in understanding and delight, you're really glad that he's back.

"How 'bout you?" Dirk then asks. "Mind if I ask why you're working as a cashier on a bookstore? Last time I heard from you, you wanted to become an archaeologist. What happened?"

"Well, I kinda stopped college because of my grandmother. Remember her?"

Once you see Dirk nodding, you continue. "Well, her condition got a lot worse and I had to take care of her because no one else will. I quit college when I was in my second year. Ever since then, I've been working a lot of different jobs just to keep the both of us alive."

"Oh," you watch him frown. "Well too bad, I guess? That's really nice of you, though. Because most people would just leave most elderly under the watch of caretakers."

You give him a soft smile. "Thanks. And I guess you now have a degree in robotic engineering?"

Dirk nods once again. "Yep. Well, degrees in robotics engineering _and_ programming."

"Woah, that's great! As smart as always, you didn't even change the slightest bit." you muse.

Dirk shrugs before gesturing towards you. "Meanwhile you, you've changed a _lot_. Well, body-wise for that matter. The last time I saw you, you're supposed to be the shorter, smaller one. Now you're like - almost a head taller than me. Not to mention you're twice as wide and buff as you were back when you're younger. You're definitely no longer that awkward, dorky Jake back in middle school. Have you've been taking trips to the gym, English?" he grins, teasing.

It's true, you've grown quite taller and bigger than Dirk. While Dirk's still as thin and wiry as he can be. It surprised you at first, you've always assumed that he'd still grow after all the years. You even thought he'd still be taller than you despite your sudden change in height. But you guess he stopped growing after a year or two.

"You could say that. I was hired as a gym trainer once. It totally paid off, don't you think?" you grin cheekily, giving the blond your traditional double pistols and a wink.

Dirk finds himself laughing softly at that. "Okay, I take it back. You're still the same dorky boy I met when I was seven. Don't get me wrong, Jake, you're now fucking charming as hell. Charming, but still an absolute dork. Nonetheless, I must say I'm impressed. I'm sure there are tons of ladies lining up for your hot bod and wanting some action in bed."

You snort, shaking your head. "Not really."

The blond raises an eyebrow, confused. He frowns. "Wow, really? Why not? I find it hard to believe that."

"Well, believe it or not, it's still true." you retort. "I don't sleep with other people I'm not serious with."

"Oh, I see." He says, finally getting it. "You're the hopeless romantic. You know, 'love takes time' and 'finding the right person first' kind of thing."

"You could say that. What about your love life? I'm sure that people are very much smitten once they get a sight of the infamous Dirk Strider."

Dirk shrugs at that. "I can't really say that everyone wants a piece of this hot ass. But I've had my one night stands and flings. And I've never had a stable relationship since now."

You find yourself tensing at his words. "Now?" you repeat.

"I - well, yeah. I have a boyfriend."

A boyfriend.

_A boyfriend_.

Within an instance, your heart sinks as you hear those words left his mouth. Dirk has a boyfriend and you're now basically torn feeling sad, angry, and heartbroken. Maybe a little tinge of all them mixed together. He said it's a stable relationship so it must be pretty serious. There's no chance now in being with him now. No chance of saying those three simple words that you've been meaning to say ever since he left.

Because he's already taken. Someone has already said those words right before you. And Dirk had probably said those words back. Fuck, this is terrible.

The worst part is there's no one but to blame yourself for your current predicament. It's not like Dirk doesn't have the right to be in a relationship with someone who's not you. It's not like he's yours to even begin with. Dirk had every right to be with someone he wanted.

He just didn't choose you.

But to lay down all the facts here, why would he even choose you in the first place? You're just his childhood best friend who is stupid enough to get his ass beaten all the time. You're just the lame, dorky kid who didn't even know how to properly swing his fist in an opponent's face. The Jake English who is cowardly enough not to say his true feelings to Dirk back when they were sixteen.

You now wonder what would happen if you had said it. Maybe the two of you would be together even til now. Maybe Dirk wouldn't have met and fallen in love with another person. Maybe he would be yours and you wouldn't feel the pain your feeling anymore.

If only time travel had existed, you'd do anything to go back in time and redo all this. Maybe then you'd have a chance, but too bad this isn't a fairy tale. This is real life and you shouldn't have been putting your head above the clouds for so long.

Dirk's right, you guess you really are a hopeless romantic. For so long, you've waited for Dirk to come back. You've hoped that once you finally see Dirk again, you'd finally have the courage to say that you love him.

And he did come back, but things aren't what you ~~hoped~~ expected to be.

Well, what did you expect? That if Dirk finally comes back he'll just swoon right in your arms and pull you in a kiss? That the two of you will just magically live happily ever after?

This is goddamn _stupid_. _You're_ goddamn stupid.

You hate this so, so much.

"... still there? Jake? Dude, Earth to English."

You finally snap out of your stupor, apologizing profusely to him. You must have become quiet, that was a pretty long internal monologue, after all.

"S'alright," Dirk shrugs, unfazed by your sudden silence. "Just saying that our order's here."

He motions at the waitress in front of the two of you. She had a huge smile on your face as she places your orders on the table. "One hot cocoa. One black coffee, extra strong. Aaaand one blueberry muffin for the happy couple! Hope you enjoy!"

You splutter at her choice of words and you see Dirk's cheeks grow bright pink. The waitress merely giggles.

"W - we're not really a couple." you stutter, laughing nervously. "We're just two friends hanging out together."

"Right, well I'm just going to leave you 'just friends' here for a while." she stresses with a mischievous smile. "Let me know if you need anything or if you're gonna get the bill."

She gives the two of you a wink before finally walking away. The two of you drink your beverages in silence, too embarrassed to say a single word.

"I'm terribly sorry for that." you then speak up, breaking the silence between you two. Dirk gives you a questioning look.

"What are you apologizing for?"

You shrug, not sure. "I dunno, I guess for making it embarrassing for the two of us."

Dirk chuckles in return, taking one last sip of his dark coffee. "You didn't do anything, dude. The waitress was the one jumping to conclusions."

"I'd like to talk to you again, Dirk. After this meetup, I mean. You know, to catch up some more and maybe even hang out like we used to. I missed you a lot." you state the last part with slight hesitation. But you really did miss him and you want to see him again. You want to make up for the time that you missed spending with him.

Although it'll hurt seeing him again, especially when you finally meet his boyfriend. But the least you can do is be one of his best friends again.

You see him smile softly before answering. "I missed you too, English. And yes, we could meet up and hang out again in another time. We could visit that bake shop by the -"

Whatever he was about to say is cut off by his phone vibrating violently in his pocket. Someone's probably calling him.

Dirk then takes a look at who is calling him right now. With the light from his phone illuminating in front of his shades, you see his eyes widen behind his shades. He tenses and lets out a shaky breath proceeded by a 'shit'.

You frown at that, wondering if anything's wrong. He still answers the call, putting the phone by his ear. "Hey, Caliborn."

You can't help but frown even more when you heard Dirk's shaky and nervous voice when he said the name. He hunches his shoulders, slouching down as if to curl up in a ball. Then he winces, probably at what the person on the other line said.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just got carried away." Dirk starts to reason. "I met up with a childhood friend at the mall, I didn't mean to let -"

He's cut off again by the caller, he must be very angry with Dirk since he's shouting at the blond through the phone. You can tell because you can also hear it all the way where you're sitting. The blond in front of you winces again before replying again. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm gonna leave the mall and go home with the groceries, you can stop now. Yeah, bye... I love you."

_'I love you'_.

You are now absolutely positive that that was Dirk's boyfriend who just called him just now. He ends the call and lets out a sigh.

Well then.

Then Dirk turns his attention towards you and he lets out a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry but I have to go. It's just that -"

"Your boyfriend?" you interjected. "It's okay, you can leave. I wouldn't want your boyfriend screaming at you again."

The blond lets out a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, Caliborn easily loses his temper most of the time. I'm so sorry, Jake. But I'm still looking forward to hanging out more. I guess now's just not the perfect time, given that Caliborn's extra moody these days. So maybe some other time soon."

You nod at him in understanding. "Yeah, sure. See you next time, I guess."

"Sure." Dirk agrees. You then call out for the waitress for the bill. She happily returns to the both of you with it in her hands. You slip up your payment, Dirk does the same with his and hands the bill to the waitress. After that, Dirk stands up and collects his stuff before walking away and exiting the cafe.

With a tired groan, you let yourself slump on the table. You're so disappointed that Dirk had to leave so soon. But you guess there's nothing you can do about it.

You still try looking on the brighter side, though. At least there's still a 'next time'.

* * *

Your name is Dirk Strider and wow you are so fucking _dead_ right now.

Caliborn is going to literally end you with his bare arms. You keep muttering to yourself 'stupid, stupid, _stupid_ '. And you're pretty sure that other people on the bus are already giving you weird looks.

How could you not remember? How could it slip out of your mind? How could you get carried away? How could you not answer Caliborn's text messages? Totally forgetting about your hot-tempered boyfriend is not something that happens to you often. Because to be honest, Caliborn's pretty _hard to forget_ at all.

Not when he always makes his presence known to you at all times. He always keeps a close eye on you and whatever you do. May it be going to work or meeting up clients in person or even go to the fucking mall to buy something. He'll keep texting you over and over again. He'd ask about where are you, what are you doing right now, when are you going to come home.

Sometimes he'd call when he gets too impatient. He'd bombard you with so many questions that sometimes, you even don't know how to answer one by one. He'd be pushy and demanding and always screaming throughout the entire call. That's when you know that you're completely fucked.

Just like now.

You didn't even realize how long you were with Jake. And you still can't believe that you forgot about fucking Caliborn. Well, you did remember about him, you kinda mentioned him to Jake. But you didn't even realize that your boyfriend might be going batshit insane right now because you didn't answer his shit ton of messages.

Maybe you just got distracted too much by those wonderful green eyes that - 

Okay, no. Hold the fuck up, you are not thinking about that with your childhood best friend. You're not even supposed to be thinking about other people that way. Especially when you're in a relationship. And to be specific, a relationship with _Caliborn_.

Caliborn, the vigilant, possessive, arrogant bastard that you thought would change your life for the better. He used to be gentler, kinder, and more compassionate than he is now. He'd treat you out for dates and be the fucking gentleman he is.

Months later in your relationship, things had changed. Obviously, he's become more paranoid and unfaithful of you. He became possessive, jealous, overthinking, and much worse, he became abusive.

Sometimes, you'd stand up to him. You'd fight for your right as a human being and threaten him that you'd finally leave him. But whatever you do or say or _think_ , you always keep on coming back to him.

And he knows it, he _knows_ that you're too much of a fucked up person to never really leave. He knows how to press the buttons that would just make you fall in love with him again.

And every time you fall for it.

And every time he breaks you with it.

You hate yourself for being so goddamn stupid. But most of all, you hate him for doing this to you. Your chat with Jake was going so fucking perfect and Caliborn had to ruin it for you. But as if you can say no to him, things are already bad the moment you didn't reply to his messages. You don't want for it to go worse by saying 'no' to him.

When you finally reach your shared apartment with Caliborn, roughly forty-five minutes has passed. You tried your best on hurrying and fastening the pace. But it's really hard to come by when there's traffic and when you have a lot of grocery bags to bring.

Just by looking at the closed door of the apartment, you could already feel the dread of what lies on the other side. You tried to regain your bearings, taking a huge breath to calm yourself down. ~~It didn't.~~

You opened the door slowly and entered the dark and almost empty living room. That is until you heard a voice speak up on you left.

"Where the fuck were you?" a malicious voice instantly hisses. Practically hearing the venom in his voice, you wince and close the door behind you. Just hearing those five words, you already know that shit's about to fucking go down.

And it's not going to end well for you.


	3. Stuck in reverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Caliborn countlessly keeping an eye out of him, Dirk couldn't help it but feel more cautious and guarded when it comes to his boyfriend. Good thing he finds a new way of communication with a certain green-eyed dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so full of shit like what even. I'd like to apologize for the delay because I'm shit at writing, not to mention writer's block. And also because I've been hella busy with other projects ~~*ehem* No Sweeter Innocence *ehem*~~ soooo yeah.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy :]

Your name is Dirk Strider, and _holy fucking shit you are fucking screwed_.

You stand there, almost paralyzed as you see your boyfriend walking towards you. His gaze put into a piercing, angry glare and his stance tense as if ready to beat someone into a pulp. And by 'someone' meaning you.

Nervous, you gulp as you watch him get nearer and nearer to you. You can't even do anything but shrink back to your position, shoulders hunching forward. You keep your gaze placed on the floor. Even so, it didn't stop you from feeling Caliborn's huge body towering yours.

Your eyes remain on the floor when you feel his big hands slide from your thin wrists to your arms, giving it a firm grasp. You take a shaky breath as you feel his heated gaze boring through you.

"Dirk, look at me," Caliborn commands in a calm yet steady voice.

It takes all your willpower to raise your head and meet his angry stare. You could see his reddish brown eyes filled with fire. His eyes not even blinking and not leaving yours.

"Caliborn," you start warily, trying to get away from his clutches. "Look, I'm sorry for not answering your messages and for letting you wait for such a long time. I completely got carried away and I promise I'm not going to do it again."

"Did I say that you could talk?" your boyfriend spits right at your face. His hold at you tightened up to the point that wow, that fucking hurts. You almost think that his hands are going to crush your bones if he keeps on doing this.

"I - well, no." you try, managing to suppress a pained groan. "But -"

"Shut the fuck up, Dirk." he interrupts and you immediately comply. He bares his teeth, mouth curling down into a tight scowl. He leans forward until he reaches the side of your head.

You feel his ragged breath just by your ear. Your blood runs cold, your mouth becomes dry. And you're pretty damn sure that you're shaking violently right now.

"How 'bout I teach you a lesson, huh?" Caliborn states in a sharp whisper as if it's the most normal thing to do. Holy fuck, you are so dead.

"C - Cal..." you say, voice small and trembling. You couldn't even care less if you stuttered (he hates it when you stutter) because you'd do anything right now just so you won't have to get beaten by him. "Please, I'm sorry. Don't do this."

"Your petty excuses and apologies won't do you any good, _Dirky_." he retorts, calling you by that stupid nickname in a completely mocking tone. You fell yourself tensing in his grip, you grit your teeth. You fucking hate it when he uses that nickname, but of course, he knows that so he keeps on doing it.

"Now be a good boy and just listen to what your boyfriend has to say." His right hand then lets go of your arm only to suddenly grab your thin neck. Your hands then instinctively reach and hold his hand and wrist to pry it off.

"What did I tell you about answering my messages all the time?" he snarls as he watches you choke and gasp, desperately trying to get some air. But his hold on you almost steel-like.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't like to be kept waiting for so long." He then drags you to the nearest wall and fucking slams your head on it, _hard_.

Your vision goes black for a good five seconds and Caliborn lets go of your arm and neck (fuck, thank goodness). You fall on your knees, clutching the back of your head and feeling the damp spot on the part where it hurts the most. Shit, now you're bleeding.

Just when you think it's over, you feel Caliborn's boot making contact with your ribs. It knocks the air out (again) from your lungs in the process so you can't help but fucking wheeze. Your back hits the cold hard floor and you instantly curled up in a ball. Hoping, _wishing_ that he would just finally go away.

"Fucking piece of shit," your boyfriend - out of all people - spits in disgust. "The next time you pull this shit up again, it'd be more that a head injury and a few broken ribs. Now get out of my sight, I don't fucking need you for the rest of the night."

As you hear those word, you hurriedly stumble your way to your room. With trembling hands, you lock the door so that he can't go in and make things worse for you.

For the next couple of minutes, you sit there by the door, trembling and letting out shaky breaths and sobs.

You don't want this anymore.

You hate this.

You hate _him_.

You wish you could leave.

But you can't, you love him too much.

You spent the next forty-five minutes in the room's bathroom tending your wounds and checking if there are any severe damages. Your neck and part of your torso are horribly bruised and your head fucking hurts like hell...

You guess you'll be wearing loose hoodies and scarves for the rest of the week, then.

You manage to patch up your head wound, although you think it still needs to be stitched up. You're about to take care of your broken ribs when you suddenly hear a knock on the door.

"Dirk?" you hear Caliborn say in a soft voice, muffled because of the door. "Please let me in."

Of course, _of course_ , he'd go all soft and caring again, just like before. As much as you don't want to deal with his shit again, you still need to open the door for him. Because it will end badly for you again if you didn't.

You unlock the door and let him in, and he instantly latches on to you. His touch sweet and gentle and it fucking makes you sick. It's as if he doesn't want to hurt the injuries that _he_ , himself has inflicted.

"I'm so sorry, Dirk, I got carried away again. You know I love you so much, right? I hope you could forgive me. God, I'm such a fucking idiot for hurting you like that, I was just so worried about you. How about we take a trip to the hospital to check on your wounds. But we can't let them know that it was me who did it, okay? We could never let them know that it was me."

You nod mutely, trying to lean against his embrace. You feel his calloused fingers running and caressing your cheeks. You let out a breathy sob, not letting the tears fall freely to your face. You know better than to cry in front of him, he doesn't like it when you cry. He'd get angry and call you pathetic and weak.

"I'm here, Dirk, I'm here." he croons. "I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again."

You want to argue, you want to shout at him but you're just too damn tired right now. You want to fight or to fucking _scream_ because he promises so many things to you. That he'd change, that he won't hurt you anymore. But does he ever fulfill them?

The answer is a big fat _no_.

You both damn know that it's nothing but a fucking lie because he always does it again. And you just hope you'd survive the next time he breaks that promise.

* * *

It's been almost a week since that fiasco with Caliborn and to your relief, things are just the way they are like before. Except that your boyfriend has been much more paranoid, controlling, and goddamn strict.

Seriously, you feel like a goddamn teenager under the watchful gaze of his overprotective mother. Only that said mother is over six foot tall and about twice as width as you. With broad muscles that could crush anyone on its way and with sharp teeth that could legitimately tear you apart any second.

Gee, what a great life you have.

You did promise that you would never do it again. And you're still going to keep it for your and Caliborn's sake. So you guess that it's better to keep your distance from Jake. As much as you like to talk to the buck-teeth boy again, you can't have Caliborn getting angry at you again.

So now you're currently at your favorite bake shop in the whole town. The bake shop's not that famous or well-known or anything, but people still love the food it sells. And those people include you, it's most likely where you always past the time when you're not doing anything for Caliborn.

You don't stay in the apartment, you don't _like_ staying in it and being cooped up in there for long. Staying there makes you claustrophobic. It's borderline intoxicating because of all the mess in there. And by 'mess' you don't mean the trash nor the littered empty beer bottles, but your boyfriend himself. You're glad he even lets you do this, going out from the apartment to have fresh air.

Of course, he lets you do it mainly because he wants you to bring him home some food to eat. Which, of course, you always do because it's the least you can do to repay him for giving you a little freedom.

You finish eating the blueberry muffin you ordered. And also drinking what's left of the orange juice you also ordered. You see Roxy Lalonde, your long-time best friend, talking to her girlfriend, Calliope. Oh, and she's also your boyfriend's twin sister, Caliborn hates her with a passion.

"Look, Callie," you hear Roxy say. "All I'm saying is that it'd be fun if we throw a party as a celebration of your -"

"And Caliborn's," Calliope says firmly.

"- birthday. I mean - come on, I love you so, so much. You're like the best girlfriend ever and it's the least I can do for you. Everything's going to be fine, we could just not invite Caliborn or something. I am _so_ not going to let him do stupid shit and ruin things for you."

Calliope rolls her eyes. "Right. And not inviting him to a birthday party dedicated to his _twin sister_ would not set him out and do some 'stupid shit'. He's done nothing but torment me especially on our birthday. I don't know why, but he really hates the fact that I, the person he hates the most, was born on the date he was born also."

"Yeah," you pipe up, joining their conversation. "I'm pretty sure that's how twins work."

"Strider, you are so _not_ helping," Roxy says as she gives you a pointed look. She lets out a groan, her fingers massaging her temple in mock stress. Then she takes her cup of coffee by her lips and dunking out the contents in her mouth.

You scoff. "Okay, fine, I'll help you with your problem. I could always just keep Caliborn busy. The two of us could always just stay in our apartment, I'm sure I'll be able to entertain him then."

Your boyfriend's sister immediately shoots you a concerned glance. Meanwhile, Roxy almost chokes on the coffee she's chugging on. She then looks at you, alarmed. "Are you fucking kidding me, Dirk?"

You shook your head, nonchalant. "No, not at all."

"Dirk," Calliope then speaks up, voice weary. "Are you sure that -"

"I'll be fine." you cut off with your voice little harsher than you intended. "I just - you know me. I'm the best guy you've got on handling Caliborn and keeping him calm."

"Yeah, and let all his frustrations for Callie lash out on you?!" Roxy scolds, voice raising.

"Oh what, so you want to take out his frustrations for his sister on Calliope herself?" you retort.

Roxy lets out an exasperated groan. " _No_ , of course not. I won't let that asshole lay a single finger on Calliope. But I don't want my best friend to get hurt because of Caliborn too."

"I'll be fine, Rox." you insist, Roxy merely gives you a soft look.

"Dirk, I -"

"Is there any problem in here?" a sudden feminine voice interjects. All three of you instantly turn your attention to the source of the voice. Your eyes widen behind your shades as you lay eyes upon the girl who just spoke. You recognize her, it's the Jane that Jake's friends with. The girl you thought that's Jake's girlfriend.

"Oh, hey!" she then grins once she notices you, her sky blue eyes gleaming. "You're Dirk, right? Jake's childhood best friend? We met at the bookstore at the mall last week."

"Yes, I remember," you reply with a small smile. "And no, there's no problem around here, Jane, nothing to worry about. It's just that my friend here, she's just a little too high on caffeine right now."

With your remark, you earn a glare from Roxy and a small chuckle from Calliope. Jane's grin widens and you gave a small smile in return. "Okay then, I'll just head back to my dad."

You raise an eyebrow. "Your dad?"

"Well yeah, my dad's kinda the owner of the bake shop. I visit here every once in a while, helping out with the baking and all that crap. I was by the counter when I heard a slight ruckus by your table."

"Right, we're sorry for the trouble we've caused. You have some great food around here, by the way."

"Thanks for the compliment, Dirk, you could say my dad has quite the talent. So, who're your friends here?" she then looks at the two ladies sitting beside you, quite amused and interested. 

"Oh, this is Roxy and her girlfriend, Calliope." you gesture at the two as you say their names respectively. Jane proceeded to shake their hands with an 'it's nice to meet you'. She then excuses herself to head back to the kitchen, hoping on meeting up with you three again in another time. But before she could walk away, you call out her name.

"Yes?" Jane turns around again, tilting her head sideways.

"I - uh, can I have Jake's phone number?" you request awkwardly "And his chumhandle, I mean - if he has one. I kinda feel guilty for not talking to him for a whole week. I've been busy and I didn't have his number and handle so I didn't have the chance to talk to him again."

"Sure!" Jane happily agrees and writes Jake's number and chumhandle on a napkin. You then thank her before she leaves the three of you.

"Wait," Roxy abruptly breaks the silence. "This 'Jake' that Jane was talking about. It's not the Jake that was once your childhood best friend _and crush_ , is he?"

Welp, she's got you right there. "Yes, I'm afraid this Jake we're pertaining to is the same Jake that I told you about in our first year in college. Damn, I can't believe you still remember that."

And yes, Jake _was_  (past tense) your crush. The two of you used to be pretty close, even when you and your brother moved to a different city. You admit, it was pretty hard to move on, even when the two of you lost your connection to each other. But by the end of your second year in college, you just kinda finally did.

Coming back to the city where you used to live isn't totally about wanting to see Jake again, though. You honestly didn't even think that he would still live in this city. And you certainly didn't feel warm, fuzzy feelings on your chest when you see him again after so many years. Nor when you see him smile or when you hear him laugh. Nope, definitely not.

You are in control of your emotions here, everything's going fine. And you're one hundred percent ~~un~~ sure that you've moved on with your crush for Jake.

* * *

Hours later, you manage to get back to your apartment without Caliborn getting mad or irritated at you again. You gave him his dinner that you brought from a fast food chain. He's nice enough to let you go and spend the rest of the night in your bedroom without him bugging you any further.

You feel giddy at your freedom for the whole night. With that, you snatch your phone from your bag and pestered Jake using the handle that Jane gave to you.

\-- timaesTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 19:04 --

TT: Hello.  
GT: Um - hi? May i ask who is this?   
TT: I am known by many names, Jake English, but let's stick with 'your worst nightmare'.   
TT: And I am here to destroy all the things that you love.  
TT: Nah, just kidding. It's me, Dirk Strider.  
GT: Oh hello dirk! Jeepers you had me for quite a moment there.  
GT: Its been a while hasnt it?   
GT: But may i ask you on how did you get my chumhandle?  
TT: Your friend, Jane, gave it to me. I was at the bake shop of her dad and I saw her there.   
GT: Ah yes, she and her dad are such marvelous cooks. Janes been baking ever since she was born i guess. And she could top off every single pastry chef in the whole country!   
GT: So you could say that shes pretty damn amazing.  
TT: I see, that's nice for her.   
TT: But anyway, that's not the real reason on why I'm pestering you right now.   
TT: First, I would like to apologize for my abrupt leave last week. My boyfriend, Caliborn, can be easily worried about me. A lot.  
GT: Eh i dont mind. Its not your fault, no need to apologize.  
TT: Yeah, okay then. Second, I still would like to meet up and talk with you again just like I said last week. This time, we'd just have to be more careful of the time and of my boyfriend so that out meeting won't be cut short.   
GT: Damn is your boyfriends really that um... I dont know how to say it without sounding too offensive.   
TT: He's a little overprotective and a little crazy, that's for sure. But there's nothing to worry about, I can still have him under control. It's fine.   
TT: I'll be fine.   
GT: Um whatever you say then.   
GT: So when and where would you want to meet up again?  
TT: I don't know, on Jane's dad's bake shop? I kinda wanted to take you there because the food's extremely great. But apparently, you've already been there. Numerous of times, I'll be guessing.  
TT: We could still go in another place, though. It could be at the mall again, or at your place, or in a completely new place. One I've never been to in the parts of the city.   
TT: After all, I just got back here. There's a lot of things that's changed since I left, so I guess you could show me around sometime.   
GT: I'd be fine with whatever decision we make dirk. But I would like to take you into this new amusement park by at the corner of the city. Its not that famous or anything but its still fun to go to.  
GT: Lots of cheesy rides and cliche stalls. Itd be just the two of us going as friendly comrades on a perfectly *ironic* friendly date.   
TT: You know me too well, English.  
GT: Though in the meantime we could just settle in mr crockers bake shop. We could have the 'date' in another time. ;B  
TT: Jake, please tell me that you did not just send me that fucking emoticon.   
GT: Im afraid so that i did dirk.  
GT: ;B  
TT: Dork.  
GT: Rude.  
GT: Just meet me at the bake shop whenever youre free. Just text me the date and time and ill see if im available in that time.   
TT: We could always meet after your work shifts on your job in the bookstore.  
GT: Ive got day offs during saturday. I dont have work in that time until evening.  
TT: Saturday it is then?   
GT: Sure!  
GT: But wait...  
GT: It is alright with *your* schedule.  
TT: It depends, actually. But I think I'll have some time to myself if I could ask Caliborn ever so nicely. Maybe then he would let me go without him bothering me, I'll take note that I'll be extra nice to him when I get home.   
GT: Do some chores and be the obedient little boyfriend you are?   
GT: Everything you do has got to pass through your boyfriend. Hes like what - your second mother?  
TT: Kinda.  
TT: Does it bother you?   
GT: Uh well it sorta weirds me out to be honest.   
TT: I could stop mentioning him whenever we're talking if you'd prefer that.   
GT: Would it be weird if i say yes to that?  
TT: Not even the slightest bit.   
TT: Everyone's weirded out by my boyfriend. He's still great company, though. In his own eccentric way.  
GT: Well ill leave you and your boyfriend be. I believe its for the best.  
TT: Well, I'll leave you and your opinion be. What people think about Caliborn is not my concern.  
GT: Why not? Hes your boyfriend arent you supposed to stand up to him?  
TT: Eh, not really. Because whatever bad thing people say about him, it's probably true.   
GT: Oh.   
TT: You might be thinking, 'why continue having a relationship with such a dickhead?'.   
TT: Well the answer is that I love everything about Caliborn, both the good and the bad stuff. And I just can't just leave him because of the terrible mistakes he's done.   
TT: He still does make mistakes, even up 'til now, but let's just say he can't help it. We all make mistakes, after all, right?   
TT: Jake?  
TT: Is it just me or are you spacing out on me again?  
GT: Oh shit sorry.  
GT: And yeah i totally spaced out on you. Sorry its been happening for quite some time recently.   
GT: But Im happy for you that youve finally met the person thatll make you happy for the rest of your life.   
GT: This caliborn must be really lucky to have you.   
TT: Yeah, you guessed that right.  
GT: Well, I should probably go. I still need to cook dinner and also get ready for work.  
TT: Right, yes. You should go do that.  
GT: See you on saturday.   
TT: You willing to hope that Caliborn will be nice enough to leave me alone for the whole day?   
GT: Oh god yes.  
TT: Then I really will see you on Saturday. I promise.  
GT: Pinky promise me.  
TT: Pfft, you fucking dork. Bye.  
GT: Bye dirk.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 19:36 --


	4. When you love someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's now Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, an upd8!  
> A short upd8.  
> I'm sorry, guys.  
> This was all that I could give.  
> I tried my best.

Your name is Dirk Strider and thank goodness it's now Saturday. You've been looking forward into meeting Jake again. You couldn't be more delighted as the countdown to your designated meet-up with the green-eyed dork gets nearer and nearer.

To your surprise and relief, Caliborn ever so lovingly grants you permission without dealing with him too much. You're nervous as hell when you brought up the subject to him. Both of you were watching on the television, he's got him arms around you possessively. It's always like that, it's as if he's too worried that you might just go away in a single blink.

You piped up a casual conversation between the two of you first. Then proceeded to your plans for Saturday. He interrogated you with the details of your plan, you calmly answered all his questions. He eventually relented and said a quiet 'yes'. Although he tightened his grip on you as a sign of who you really belong to. He also warned you to answer to him messages this time and also bring him home some food (of course).

After that, you eagerly sent a message to Jake that you're meeting is good to go. He told you he's happy and relieved about it and that he's excited about seeing you again. You kinda are too.

That was two day's ago, you decide to focus more on what's happening now.

You're now at the bake shop that Jane's dad own, and also your assigned meeting place with Jake. You arrived a little early than appointed because you helped Roxy with an errand. In the middle of said errand, you spilled to her your meet-up with Jake. She immediately went ballistic and forced you to let her meet him too.

Some part of you didn't want her to come, mostly because you know she'll only embarrass you in front of Jake. But you can't really say 'no' to Roxy, so in the end, you went along with her request.

The two of you sit on a table for four to wait for Jake, the two of you ordered something from the shop. Unsurprisingly, Jane is also there at her father's shop too. She greets the two of you with a warm smile before entering the door that headed to the kitchen, probably to help in baking or something.

After another twenty minutes of chatting with Roxy, you hear the bell by the door ringing as a signal that someone just entered the shop. You turn your head and you see none other than your childhood best friend, Jake English at the doorway. He grins as he notices the two of you, to which your heart reacts weirdly as it lurches at the sight of it.

"Hey!" Jake chirps, raising a hand to give you a wave.

"'Sup," you answer, voice uncharacteristically small and shy. You hear Roxy giggle on her seat with that and you almost facepalm. Great, looks like Roxy wouldn't be the only one embarrassing you. Because you're doing a pretty great job doing it yourself.

 _Goddamn it, Strider, don't lose your cool just yet_.

Jake takes a seat beside you, smile widening and eyes gleaming in delight. "It's great to see you again, Dirk. May I ask who's this lovely lady that would be accompanying us for today?" he questions, gesturing towards Roxy.

Before you could say anything, Roxy already beats you to it with a reply. "Oh, I'm Roxy Lalonde, a certified programmer, hacker, and cat meme lover. And also a best friend of the Di-Stri. And I say you are one fucking hottie." she finishes with a wink.

Jake sputters at the compliment, his tanned cheeks turning into a ~~cute~~ shade of pink. "I - well, I'd like to say I'm quite flattered, madam. It's a pleasure to meet such a beautiful woman like you as well." Jake grabs one of Roxy's hands across the table and pulls it to his lips, smiling kissing it lightly.

Roxy giggles even more at the ministration while you merely roll your eyes at their antics. "Dirk," Roxy starts, a huge smile playing at her dark colored lips. "You didn't tell me that Jake is such a fucking gentleman. You should be taking lectures, maybe then you should start treating me like a proper lady."

You give her a deadpanned look behind your shades. "Lalonde, need I remind you that you already have a girlfriend?"

"Oh please, I can still have a little fun now, can't I? You're such a spoilsport." she then smirks knowingly. "Or maaaaybe, _you_ just want to have the English muffin all to yourself. Get it, 'English muffin'? 'Cause you like muffins and also - "

"Yes, I get it." you cut her off, glaring menacingly. Shit, now it's your turn to blush, heat rushing to your entire face. Good thing, your shades can cover most of that up. Just when you're about to retort something, Jake suddenly pipes up.

"So, Roxy, I take it that you already know me?" he asks, surprised. Roxy nods at his question.

"Yep, I've known you for a very long time. Probably all the way back when Dirk and I were in college, I guess you could say that Dirk talks a _lot_ about you." her smirk widens, winking at Jake again.

Christ, why the hell did you agree to let her come again?

Jake laughs at that, amused yet face as red as a tomato. "Yes, well, Strider and I go way back. We're almost inseparable when we were children. That is, of course, until Dirk moves to another state with his brother. It's been a while since we talked to each other."

You nodded. "Yeah, like almost seven years of not conversing with each other."

"Yes, and to be honest," Jake confesses, looking down and not meeting your nor Roxy's gaze. "I'm quite surprised that you still remembered me after all these years. I thought you've forgotten about me."

You raise a questioning eyebrow at him. "And why would I forget about you just like that? We were, after all, best friends."

He shrugs awkwardly. "I dunno, because you've gotten a scholarship in this prestigious university for college. And that means so many opportunities, Dirk. Opportunities not only for your education but also to your social life. I'm sure you've earned yourself lots of new friends who're better and smarter than some flimsy dork you met when you're eight years old. I mean - look at Roxy here, for example, I'm sure she's way cooler than I am."

You frown at him, confused. "Jake, you sure do know that I'm just as much a socially awkward nerd as you, right? Only, way cooler, but still, I seriously don't have a social life just like I did when I was younger. Like - the only thing that made me talk to Roxy in the first place is because she hacked into my university account and replaced the graphical interface with nothing but cat porn."

"It was an _accident_ ," Roxy defends.

"Yeah, I know," you reply to her before continuing. "But what I'm really trying to say is that just because I went to a famous university with very high standards, doesn't mean that my personal views and standards of who I'd consider as a friend should change as well. I won't think so lowly of you just because you didn't graduate college, nor because you're stuck as a cashier in a bookstore, Jake. And I sure as hell won't just forget you. You were - _are_ \- my friend because I honestly think you're pretty cool. And that's all that would ever matter."

Jake blinks at you as you finish your long-winded answer. He looks at you, eyes wide and filled with what seems to be hope. "You really think so?"

"I know so, English." You tell him firmly as his wide smile returns to his face. "I'm not just put our childhood years of being bros all to waste."

"I guess that you're not gonna leave me just yet, then?"

You give him a small smile in return. "Yeah, you pretty much guessed that right."

* * *

Your name is Jake English, and by Jove, you are so fucking happy right now.

You have to admit, you've been quite disappointed for the past few days since the last time you saw Dirk. You haven't seen him for about a week and a half, you even started to wonder if he's ignoring you or something. But of course, that's a stupid assumption, especially when it's Dirk you're talking about. Still, your anxiety wins the battle in your head.

But now you're seeing him again! What's even delighting is that Dirk brought a friend who's friendly enough to be your friend as well. You don't have lot's of friends, that's for sure. That's why when you first laid your eyes upon miss Lalonde here, you instantly feel excited as fuck.

She's also downright beautiful, you did mean it when you complimented her. With her striking make-up and amiable bubblegum pink eyes, you'd highly doubt if this fine lady is still single. Which of course, she isn't, since she told you about her girlfriend, Calliope.

Still, you can't help but think that although beautiful she may be, for you, Dirk still has a prettier face.

Haha...

 _Damn it, English_.

About two hours and a half have passed since you first arrived here. The three of you have been immersed with many topics, all constantly switching from one subject to another.

Sometimes, Dirk and Roxy would babble about technology, computers, robots, programs, and other things that you can't even comprehend. Other times, you and Dirk would reminisce about your childhood and would catch up with each other about your lives. And when you could get to chat with Roxy, of course, you two will also share stories about yourselves to get to know more about each other.

You also like to talk more to Roxy because she loves to tell a lot of embarrassing stories about Dirk. To which the blond's cheeks would turn into an endearing shade of red. And of course, you'd join in with the embarrassing to make him blush even harder. It's one of the things you've always love about him.

Dirk would still retaliate with his own embarrassing tale about Roxy or you. But all the times you and Roxy made him as red as a cherry is so worth it.

However, in the middle of a conversation about Roxy's mother, Dirk gets a phone call.

Everyone just straightaway stops talking with that, already knowing who is the caller.

"Again?" Roxy asks incredulously. You frown while Dirk only shrugs.

"You know how he can be, he's been... edgy these past few days. I'll need to head outside." The other blond answers.

"Alright, alright," Roxy relents, letting out a sigh. "Just make it snappy."

"Will do." Dirk nods, then turns towards you. "I'm sorry, Jake, I just really need to answer this. You could still talk with Roxy if you want."

You give a strained smile, hiding your disappointment and hoping he'd be quick. "No, no, it's fine. Take your time."

"Yeah, alright. Thanks," he then stands up to his chair and hurriedly exits the shop with his phone.

You hear Roxy let out a groan and slump her head on the table, you look at her with a confused frown on your face. "Is something the matter?"

"Nothin'" she answered. "It's just that my girlfriend's brother and also Dirk's boyfriend..."

"Caliborn?"

The blonde then raises her head to look at you, an eyebrow shot up in surprise. "You already know him?"

"Well, yeah, Dirk has talked about his boyfriend in some of our chats together. I'm also aware that he could be very worrying of him, so I highly understand the sudden phone call."

Roxy visibly cringes at that, this confuses you even further. "'Worrying'... Yeah, you could say that."

Suddenly feeling rather awkward because of the topic, you immediately decide to change it. "So, how did you and Calliope met?"

"Well, it all started on Tumblr. Ever since I've started college, I've been like - following her for forever. She's pretty much Tumblr famous back then, still is up until now. She draws a lot of fanart and writes a lot of fanfiction, I'm a huge fan of her work. She's hecka amazing and talented and very much modest despite all the attention given to her. Then one time, I decided to talk to her, so I private messaged her. Then - _bam!_ \- got myself a pretty sweet-ass girlfriend."

"Oh, I see. That's really nice, I'm happy for you."

You see Roxy smile, her pink eyes gleaming in happiness as she probably thinks about Calliope. "Yeah, she's the sweetest thing ever. She used to be so shy and self-conscious about herself. May it be her personal image or her artwork, she's always pointing out her flaws. Of course, I couldn't care less, she's perfect to me and I just had to let her see that because well, I love her so much."

You find yourself smiling too, knowing to yourself that that's also how you fell about Dirk. He could be a fucking perfectionist sometimes, always overthinking and over-worrying too much. You hate it when you get to see him look so goddamn tired whenever he over-exerts himself into thinking what could go wrong. When in reality, everything is going to be fine.

He's fine, he's perfect, and you love him so much.

Your heart just aches as you realize that you can never say that to him. Because he's already taken and there's nothing you can do about it.

Shit, you just made yourself sad again. This really needs to stop.

"But enough talk about me and my girlfriend," you suddenly hear Roxy say with a knowing smirk. "Let's talk about you and _your_ love life."

"I haven't been in any relationship all my life, to be honest," you confess, a tad mortified. This doesn't stop Roxy from widening her smile, though.

"Got your eyes fixed on someone, then?"

"I - um. Well, you could say that." Good grief, why are you having _this_ conversation out of all things.

Roxy giggles. "Oh em gee, then why won't you make a move, then?"

 _'Oh, I dunno, because he's already taken?'_ you thought to yourself sarcastically. "I'm too much of a coward to confess."

The blonde makes 'tsk'-ing noises at that, head shaking in disapproval. "You know, you should probably just be truthful and say your feelings. For all we know, he could be taken or something..." she muses, voice hinted with mischief.

You can't help but raise an eyebrow at her statement, how could she be so sure that it could be a 'he' or that 'he's taken'? Unless...

Oh, dear sweet baby Jesus.

Fucking fiddlesticks.

Shit.

You already feel the blush crawling it's way to your cheeks. Meanwhile, Roxy practically squeals in delight, pointing an accusing finger at you. "I _knew_ it, I knew you've got the homo hots for my best friend."

You awkwardly cough, waving off the offending finger. "I - I don't know what you're talking about."

"Pssh, puh-leez. It's pretty much obvious!"

"Shh! Keep it down, will you? Someone might hear us." you hiss.

"And by 'someone', you meant Dirk?"

"No, by 'someone', I meant _someone_ , like a random person or something!"

"But does this mean it's true, then?"

"What?! No!" you reply, borderline shrieking.

"Shh! Keep it down, will ya'?"

"Now, you're just plain humiliating me." you pout, mock glaring at her. "How do you even know?"

"I see the way you look at him the minute you arrived here, it's must the same look I always give to Callie. You know, the look they always give on romance films. It's exceedingly amusing, though, how Dirk stays oblivious to all this. You know, for a guy who's considered as a 'genius' on so many levels, he sure is absolutely fucking dense as a rock when it comes to romance."

You frown again. "Am I really that obvious?"

She nods. "Yes, Jake. And it's true that you may have Dirk fooled, but I still know a thing or two about love. I say, you've had it with the Di-Stri."

You... honestly have no words for that. Damn, the cat's really out of the bag now, huh. You guess there's no point in hiding it from her any longer.

Roxy then pats you reassuringly on the shoulder. "But never worry, your secret's safe with me, also, this conversation isn't over. Hey, Dirk, welcome back!"

You turn to the doorway to see Dirk entering the shop again, definitely clueless of what you and Roxy were talking about. And to be honest, you're kinda relieved with that. He walks up to your table again, taking a seat next to you.

"So, what did I miss?"


	5. When you get what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to know what Caliborn's sudden phone call is all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whale, I did say I'm gonna upd8 this fic soon. So here I am :D  
> Btw this is a short upd8 so I guess I'm sorry for that. However, I'll try making things a bit longer in the next chapter ~~which I may or may not post as soon as next week~~. Das all folks, enjoy!

Your name is Dirk Strider and you just don't know what to do right now.

"Woah, now wait just a motherfreaking second. Back the fuck up," Roxy hisses out. "Caliborn wants to _what_?"

You let out an awkward smile, one hand immediately going up to rub the back of your neck. So you have just told Jake and Roxy the (horrible) news once you've returned from your previous exploit outside the bakeshop to talk to your boyfriend. 

You return to your seat. For some weird reason, Jake looks shaken up the moment you came back, much to your perplexity. While Roxy just looks suspiciously mischievous as ever. Sheesh, you hate her silly antics, especially if she keeps them as a secret from you.

But guess what, when you finally tell them your news, not only did Jake looks tenser, but it wipes off all traces of Roxy's cheerfulness within milliseconds.

"Like I said," you then reply to her, repeating what you have just said minutes ago. "Caliborn wants to meet Jake in person."

What a normal person would've thought: 'Sure! It's okay, I would totally love to meet your boyfriend in person. I'm sure we'd have tons of fun, on what date is it? Can't wait!'

What someone who knows Caliborn well enough would instantly think: 'Oh shit.'

It's been a known fact between your closest friends (which is like - a population of two to three people) that Caliborn isn't the kind of guy that gets along well with the people he meets for the first time. It'd go to a delicate and tense atmosphere, exchanging words with him would be like a fucking mine field. One wrong step and either you'll survive, or you're completely fucked.

With Caliborn's anger issues, most of the time when you introduce him to someone (may it be a companion, a partner for a project, or a client), it usually ends up with the latter.

That's why as much as possible, you don't mention people that you know that Caliborn doesn't know. Because it would only cause him to interrogate the shit out of you on who that person is and to insist that he meets this person for real.

You immediately know that Jake would be a touchy subject for him. Not that he knows that you had a former crush on the green-eyed man. Even so, you're extra careful with talking about Jake especially when Caliborn's present.

But when Caliborn called you, he even requested - no wait, more like _commanded_ you to schedule a personal meet-up between him and Jake. And you sure as hell know that you're fucking screwed.

Because what if Caliborn doesn't approve of you being friends with Jake? Or what if Jake doesn't approve of you being in a relationship with Caliborn? Basically what if the two just don't get along in general?

You know that Caliborn is one of the most stubborn people on the entire planet. And even though Jake's way nicer than him, the English muffin is pretty much as stubborn as he could also get.

Shit, what if this end up as a fucking disaster, you could never live up to this.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Jake pipes up in the midst of your moment of silence. And with that, both you and Roxy stare at him like he had just grown another head.

"No, Jake, you don't understand. You don't _know_ Caliborn." Roxy warns, face pale and eyes filled with panic.

"I know that he's Dirk's boyfriend," he retaliates with a small shrug, as if meeting your burly, over six-foot-tall lover is definitely not a terrifying thing to do. "What could go wrong?"

'A lot of shit could go wrong,' you bitterly think to yourself.

"Dude, listen, Caliborn is..." you trail off a little, looking for the right word to describe the guy. "... unstable. He has a tendency to get his temper and patience going off in a very short amount of time. Even if the reason is the stupidest of things."

He puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "It's not like I don't already know that. I know that he's super overprotective of you. I completely understand that he just wants to meet the people that his boyfriend's getting friends with. He just wants proof that I'm a nice person or that I'm not a bad influence or anything and I'm totally fine by that. I've also been expecting to sooner or later."

Jesus christ, how is he so fucking calm right now?

"Yeah, but not _this_ soon," you point out with a tired sigh. "Look, I also want for the two of you to meet and hang out. But I don't want to risk it and scare you away now that we've just met again after so many years."

Jake gives you a warm, sympathetic smile (and fuck, did that send this weird warmth on your chest). "I'm sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Sure, it's bound that we'd have a couple of differences, but we don't necessarily have to like each other to still be in your life right?"

You continue to stare at him, incredulous that he's still okay with meeting Caliborn. But then again, as mentioned earlier, Jake could also be a stubborn douche if he wants to, so you relented. "Fine, I guess you're right."

"Dirk," your blonde friend who's been quiet for some time suddenly interjects. "Are you sure about this?"

You flashed Roxy another one of your awkward smiles. "Well, it's not like I could say no to both Jake and Cal. If they truly want to meet each other then go ahead. Who am I to stop them?"

Roxy sends you a look that only meant _'fine, but don't go back crawling to me for moral support if this doesn't work out'_. The only thing you could do is to chuckle at her.

You think, with whatever exact date you arrange for this meeting, a lot of shit is about to go down.

* * *

A couple more hours of talking and eating pass before all three of you decide to adjourn this meeting and go back to your respective homes. Jake tells you that he had fun and tells Roxy that it's nice meeting her. He part ways with you and Roxy since the two of you live on the other side of town.

Despite the distance between the bakeshop and where you and Roxy live, you still don't mind spending almost thirty minutes just to get there. Because well, going in the bakeshop is worth it. The food there really is some good shit.

The two of you step into the bus, taking a seat not too far from the entrance. Roxy gives you privileges to the window seat, and you both sit comfortably in the shabby, velvet-colored seats.

You can't help but think and wonder what would happen to the day that Jake and Caliborn finally meet each other. That would be hella awkward, given that one is your boyfriend and the other is your ex-crush. Not that the two of them need to know the latter, but still.

Roxy pretty much knows about it. You're sure it's one of the factors that made her skeptical about the whole ordeal too. Well, you too are doubtful about it - no scratch that, you're scared shitless about it. You're pretty much fucking dreading if ever that time comes. But like you said to Roxy, you could never say no to both your best friend and boyfriend.

God, you just hope that all three of you would get through with it alive and well.

After the twenty-minute ride on the bus, both you and Roxy get off and started walking to the street where your apartment is. The two of you stay at the same building. Only that Roxy and Callie live together two floors away from you and your boyfriend.

You and Roxy walk along the stone pavement, silence settling over you. You savored it, welcomed it with metaphorical open arms. But just five minutes on the walk, the blonde beside you starts speaking.

"Dirk," she starts.

You beat her to whatever she's about to say. "Is this about the Jake and him meeting again?"

She shoots you a glance of hesitancy before replying. "No, this one's just about Jake."

That gets one of your thick eyebrows to rise in uncertainty. "What about him?"

Lalonde then opens her mouth to say something, but she pauses once again, closing her mouth. Then she opens her mouth again, then closing it again, making her look like she's imitating a gaping fish.

Seconds later, you have enough of her shit and slightly snapped. "Just spit it out, Rox. What is it about Jake English that you want to talk about?"

You see her swallowing nervously, fidgeting as the two of you continue to stroll to the apartment buildings. "It's just that - " she falters. "Do you honestly not see it? It's quite obvious."

Now your eyebrows furrow. "See what?"

"See... you _know_." Roxy gives you a weird look that you can't quite discern.

"I don't actually."

She must have seen how you are looking at her right now, how you genuinely _don't get_ what she means. As a result, the blonde huffs in frustration, you could only look at her confusion some more. "You really are an oblivious idiot," she grumbles.

You're taken aback by her sudden notion. You scoff and cross your arms above your chest, shielding away your growing bewilderment at what she's trying to point out. "Wow, and how did you come off with such an offending statement?" you try to bite back with sarcasm.

You both know well that Roxy knows you more than that. She knows that whatever it is that she's keeping from you would only make you eager and curious in finding out. So she lets out a small laugh, amused by your ongoing frustration.

"Look," you sigh. "Could you save us the trouble and just tell me?"

"Nope!" she cheers out, her pink eyes beaming at you in glee. "It's hella fun to watch you figure it out on your own."

"I swear, you're going to be the end of me."

 Roxy merely giggles at you. "D'aaaw, you're just too cute, Dirky."

You rolled your eyes at her, you could feel yourself flush slightly. Damn it, this is starting to unsettle you. And by 'this' you mean not only Roxy's new little secret (that apparently is obvious to realize), but also the fact that it's tied to one Jake English.

You don't like the sound of that. But whatever it is, you don't like to assume too much. You wouldn't want to jump to conclusions without gathering enough information about the matter.

Maybe you could just ask Jake himself...

You decide to not press into it anymore. You guess you could let Roxy win this round and not pry with what she's keeping from you. There are more things that you need to worry about, right? Like - oh you know, Caliborn's fucking first meeting with Jake.

A few minutes go by and you two finally reached the apartment. You find your way to the elevators. It seems that there aren't many people who are coming and going in the apartment. The halls are practically barren and the elevator you both step into is empty.

Just before Roxy reaches her room's designated floor, she turns toward you with a bittersweet smile on her face. "Dirk, you know I love you, right?"

Once again, you raise your eyebrows in inquisitiveness. "Yeah?"

"Then would you believe me if I tell you that you deserve so much more than what you're already having?"

You absolutely have no idea on how to respond to that. You don't even know what she's getting into, shit, you need to know what the hell she's talking about soon.

You ended up not answering her. So she exits the elevator without uttering another word, leaving you there, all alone with your thoughts and your goddamn overthinking.

Two floors later, it's your turn to step out of the elevator and trudge (you make it as slow as possible because you don't want to meet him just yet) across the hallway and to your apartment door. Noticing that it's locked, you knock lightly on it. Once, twice, thrice.

Funny, you don't realize that you're becoming as tense as a statue as you here Caliborn's thundering footsteps on the other side. Your boyfriend finally opens the door, as he sees you, he lets out a knowing smile. A knowing smile, all predatory and possessive that sends shivers down to your spine. A knowing smile, enough to let you forget about all the freedom that you just had while talking to your friends earlier.

But for some sort of reason, on the back of your head, Roxy's words kept going on and on, repeating like some broken record. _'You deserve so much more.'_

Yet you can't help thinking: _'But I have everything that I needed right in front of me, right?'_

Right?


	6. When you try your best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Caliborn finally meet for the first time. I think we all pretty damn know that this ain't gonna end well.

Your name is Jake English and you guess... today is the day where you finally get to meet _him_.

To be honest, you are so fucking terrified at the fact that you're meeting Dirk's boyfriend. Not only because that you know about the guy's temper, but also because he's well - duh, Dirk's freaking boyfriend!

Seeing him with Dirk, being all romantic and those usual things that couples do. And seeing _Dirk_ return those gestures, that might hurt. A _lot_.

Jesus Christ on a fucking pogo stick why did you even agreed to this meeting.

_'Real smooth, English,'_ you thought to yourself. _'You really are the masochist of the year.'_

But you guess you just didn't want to seem rude and decline meeting this Caliborn in person. Because if you did decline, maybe it would mean trouble for Dirk and you definitely don't want that. So in the end, you put all your shit together and as calmly as possible told Dirk and Roxy that day that it's going to be fine.

And boy did you wish that it's all going to be fine and dandy.

You think maybe it will go well if you're not going to be stupid enough to show that you still like (no, actually it's love) the blond. You sure as hell know that you're fucking screwed if ever someone who is not Roxy Lalonde or Jane Crocker finds out about your little secret.

You've waited in the same bakeshop - of course, it's the same bakeshop, the food here is awesome - for about two hours now. You decided to go there a little early than the designated meeting time because you had to go with Jane. You could see said raven-haired girl going in and out of the kitchen from time to time.

Of course, being your best friend, Jane has the privilege to know what's bound to happen today. You told her everything, your crush with Dirk and his hot-headed boyfriend. All Jane could do was to nod at you in sympathy as you filled her in. She also offered to bake you a whole batch of cinnamon rolls, aware that you love them so much, especially if Jane had personally baked them.

Gosh, she's the best.

Up to this point, you're still a little bit guilty of not being able to reciprocate to her feelings. Although you already know that she's moved on to you, you can't help but feel like a shitty person. You rejected her because of Dirk, who turned out to be in a relationship all along.

If only you had moved on long ago like a normal person. Maybe you wouldn't be feeling much like a huge clusterfuck right now.

You hate this so much.

On a normal Thursday afternoon, the bakeshop doesn't have a lot of customers. About three to four college students with their laptops; some old ladies by the windows; and a mother with her children. Soon enough the door swings open, revealing one particular blond with triangular shades. 

Following behind him is a burly man maybe a year or two older than you and Dirk. He had a height that's a few inches taller than you and a built much larger than yours. He has jet black hair and piercing reddish-brown eyes that almost scream bloody murder. He has several piercing on his ears, eyebrows, and mouth. He's wearing a black shirt and some tattered jeans, matching his whole 'asshole-ish punk' demeanor.

You don't want to judge so fast, but your first thought was: _'Seriously, this guy?'_

You try your best not to compare yourself with him, thinking bitterly how better you'd be in being Dirk's boyfriend. Because that's not how it fucking works, you must respect Dirk's decision. And honestly, you just need to stop making yourself be so goddamn miserable.

Good thing Dirk starts talking, taking a seat in front of you as his boyfriend follows after him. "Hey, Jake, how long have you been here?"

Well, here goes. "I - um, I just got here," you lied.

The blond across the table lets out a tense smile before gesturing you and Caliborn towards each other. "So... Caliborn, this is Jake, my childhood best friend. Jake, this is Caliborn, my boyfriend."

You then look at Caliborn. Not long enough, he meets your gaze, reddish-brown eyes lock into forest green. He stares at you with an unreadable expression, probably already judging you in that mind of his. Meanwhile, you do your best not to fidget and twitch under his cold scrutiny.

About ten seconds of awkward silence, Caliborn breaks off the staring competition and holds out a hand in front of you. "It's nice to meet you, Jake."

He has a raspy and throaty voice as if it's been used solely for screaming. The back of your mind is already screaming at you that this guy is bad news. But again, you don't like being too much of a judgemental person. You know Dirk is smart enough not to deal with bad people. So if Caliborn is his boyfriend, then maybe he won't be that bad.

So you also raise your hand, taking the offering hand and shaking it. You also notice that he has rough, calloused hands, huh, maybe he's just a hardworking person. That's good, right?

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, mate," you say with the steadiest tone you could muster.

"Right," Dirk suddenly interrupts in, bless his soul for interrupting. You're plenty of sure that it'll just end up with another awkward silence. "So, you guys want anything to eat?"

You break away your glance at Caliborn, momentarily nodding at Dirk with a huge grin. "Yeah, that would be great. I'm starving."

Well, let's get this show on the road.

* * *

In your opinion, if there's a single word that can be used to describe Caliborn, you'd definitely use the word 'intimidating'.

No, he's not technically outright 'scary' or 'horrifying', he's just... pretty damn intimidating. And although that he didn't say that much throughout the meeting, he still has this dark aura around him.

He'd you these weird looks that you may or may not comprehend. But one thing's for sure, it kinda gives you this feeling. As if he's trying to give out a message towards you by using his somber stares. And yeah, you can't help but feel a tad threatened because of it.

Most people would immediately be frightened by his dark sneers. But you just let it affect you by being hella fucking nervous. Not to mention the atmosphere around him, and how it spreads with a mile radius.

You try your best to keep your usual chipper personality as much as possible. Especially towards Dirk because you wouldn't want to ruin things. But fuck did that guy made it hard as hell to maintain that. In the end, the two of you had exchange so little words. It's quite funny, to be honest, because _he_ wanted to get to know _you_.

So mostly it's just you and Dirk talking. Whenever Dirk tries to get Caliborn into the conversation, he'll grunt in reply. Which would sometimes leave Dirk looking frustrated and disappointed. And by Jove, you can't but feel sorta pissed towards the guy.

Seriously, Dirk's trying his best here, can't he fucking see that?

Luckily you manage to not get too annoyed by just continuing talking to the blond. Plus, it'll distract him from getting more and more frustrated on entertaining his boyfriend.

A few more minutes pass and not much has changed. You and Dirk kept the conversation, and Caliborn merely stares at the two of you. That is until the topic of Callie's birthday celebration pulls out.

"So, I heard from Roxy about this party she's gonna held with her girlfriend. Callie, was it?" you ask Dirk all of a sudden.

You see him nodding at that. "Yeah, it's Calliope's birthday party celebration, it's gonna be held in their apartment."

Suddenly, you hear Caliborn snort a little at that. You ignore him, replying to Dirk instead. "Oh, I didn't know that her birthday is drawing near."

"Roxy, being the nice girlfriend and party animal she is, has been doing a shit ton of preparations. The lights and sounds, the decor, the food..."

"Even the alcohol, I presume?" you inquire, amused.

"Well, of course, Roxy's a master when it comes to such beverages. That girl's alcohol tolerance is as high as the fucking empire state building."

"Really? And you?"

He gives you a quirky grin that makes your heart leap. Shit, he's too cute. "I don't drink much, to be honest. I would love to stay completely in control of my mind all the time, thank you very much."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a little fun and loosen up a bit, ain't it?"

"I've got other ways to have fun."

"Oh, like what? Reading a bunch of books about algebra?"

You get a scoff at that, then a smirk. "Seriously, Jake, what do you take me for, a noob? I read books about _trigonometry_."

You let out a laugh. "I swear, you're such a fucking nerd. Well, if that's your method of leisure, it's like you aren't even gonna bother to attend the party."

To be honest, the statement's meant to be a joke. But then you notice that Dirk goes rigid at that, pausing for a bit. It takes him another five seconds before answering. "Well, truth be told, I don't think that I'd be able to attend at all."

You frown. "Dirk, it was just a joke."

"I know it was. But I'm going to... spend the whole day with my boyfriend."

Before you could even reply to him, Caliborn lets out a bark of laughter. Then he draws Dirk closer to him, one of his thick arms going around the blond's wiry shoulders. "You darn right you are, no way in hell that I'm spending my birthday alone."

You find yourself gaping at the two. "Y - your birthday?"

"Oh, didn't Dirky tell you?" Caliborn smirks devilishly down at you. "I'm twins with that ugly bitch."

Taken aback (and offended on Calliope's behalf) by the nasty comment, both of your eyebrows shoot up in confusion. "What, with Calliope?"

With that, he rolls his eyes at you. "Yes with her. God fucking damn it, could you be more idiotic than this?"

Dirk slaps his boyfriend's arm. "Cal, don't be _rude_."

"I could be rude whenever and to whoever I fucking want, Dirk!" the man bites back, grabbing the blond's thin wrist forcefully while he's at it. Shit, for a moment there, you're terrified that the guy might actually break it.

"Hey," you then interject, not bothering to hide the scorn in your voice.  If you're going to be truthful with yourself, you want to at least have a neutral relationship with Caliborn. But just seeing him do _that_ kind of thing to _Dirk_ of all people, it fucking makes your blood boil. "I highly suggest that you let him go, right now."

He then smiles at you, all menacing and threatening, but still doesn't letting go of Dirk's wrist. You only send him the most vicious glare that you could muster in reply. Meanwhile, Dirk just shuts himself up, face pale as he watches you and Caliborn have the most intense staring battle ever.

"Or what?" the asshole says, tone challenging. "Just so you know, Dirk's not the boss of me, you're not the fucking boss of me. _No one_ is. I do whatever it is that I'd fucking like to do. So I _highly suggest_ that you back the fuck off or I goddamn swear that I'm going to pulverize your puny little face. And I'd be more than willing to make that happen."

Anger flares within you, the temptation to punch the guy in the face right then and there becoming more and more inviting. "Listen here, you piece of -"

" _Guys_ ," Dirk finally manages to say with a steady voice, but you could still hear it waver. "Can't we all just calm down and settle this like the mature and rational adults that we are? Please? We wouldn't want to cause a scene so much in public, right?"

By the time Dirk's done, Caliborn still continues to glare at you daringly. Compared to his obnoxious and arrogant demeanor, you are meanwhile trembling like a leaf with the rage that you want to let out.

About another ten seconds later, the black-haired man finally backpedals. He leans back against his chair, retreating away from your provocation for now. That fucking smug smirk still hasn't left his face. Good thing that he's not holding Dirk's hand anymore. But instead, he's got one of his arms around the blond's waist.

And you damn well know a sign of possessiveness when you see one.

You get ahold of your bearings once again, your line of thoughts slowly returning to rational. After that, Dirk lets out a huge sigh of relief. At least a little tension is released before things get out of hand.

"Dirk, I think we should go." Caliborn then speaks up. "I've seen enough."

Much to your disappointment (and jealousy, damn it), Dirk doesn't even miss a beat and agrees with him.

The two then gather their things before standing up and making their way to the door of the bakeshop. Caliborn exits the building with Dirk following him. But before your friend leaves the shop for good, he sends you one last look that is nothing but completely apologetic. Then he mouths something at you, _'I'm sorry.'_

After that, he is gone.

You look away from the door, chest feeling heavy with sadness and devastation. You fight a sob that is threatening to rise from your throat. Fuck, now this is the part where it actually hurts the most.

What hurt the most is seeing Dirk leave you when you can't even say how you feel to him for the second time in your whole life. And knowing that you'd never stand a chance now. It sure as hell will leave you in a rather miserable state for quite some time.

You just hope you don't do anything stupid in the near future.

* * *

Your name is Dirk Strider, and fuck, you knew that this is going to happen.

You _knew_ , and you _still_ let it happen. Shit, you're so fucking stupid.

Christ, you just hope that Caliborn will still let you hang out with Jake after what's occurred between the two of them. And Jake, damn him for being such a nice guy (and also an idiot), defending you and crap.

The moment you and your boyfriend reach the apartment, you see him go to the kitchen, probably to grab a beer. In the meantime, you hastily get your phone, opening your Pesterchum app and immediately sending a message to Jake.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 18:43 --

TT: Jake, you there?  
TT: Ahh geez, look, I'm terribly sorry of how things with your meeting with Cal ended up. I profusely apologize on behalf of my boyfriend of the way he acted and all the things he said not only about Calliope but also about you as well.   
TT: I've already warned you for like a dozen of times that he truly is just like that. Even to his closest friends, even towards me.  
TT: Please pardon him and his behavior. I sure hope that even though things might never be well between he and you, it still will be between the two of us.   
GT: Oh hey dirk. Sorry i just replied now i had to take a quick shower.   
GT: To answer your messages: dont worry im not angry at you or anything. And i sure as hell am not just gonna cut off my ties with you just because theres been a few bumps along the way.   
GT: I still may be slightly pissed towards him. But i already told you before that your boyfriend and i dont have to like one another to be in your life.  
GT: I am your friend and your choice is what i have to respect so dont worry i still want to hang out with you.   
TT: Oh, well, that's a relief.   
TT: I just feel fucking embarrassed right now, even though I kinda expected for it to happen in the first place.   
GT: Well at least it doesnt go far from a handful exchange of spiteful words.  
TT: Yeah, I guess you're right. A shit ton of bad things could've happened. You and Caliborn could've broken off into a fist fight on that instant. Jesus, what would Jane's dad think?   
TT: Because I swear to everything that is holy, if I get banned from that bakeshop because of the two of you, my life would literally be over.   
GT: Pffft drama queen. :B  
TT: Shut the fuck up, Jake. The Crocker Bakeshop is practically the most eminent of all bakeshops that I have visited in all my living days.   
TT: As cool as I may be, I would flip my shit if I suddenly lost all my rights to dine in such an illustrious establishment.   
GT: Of course your majesty my apologies. I just remembered that i shall not defy your utmost desires. *raises a hand in chest then bows in uttermost reverence*

You roll your eyes at Jake's silliness. However, before you can even type out another response to him, someone grabs ahold of your waist from behind and drags you backward with a force that almost makes you trip.

You're about to ask what your boyfriend is up to. But then Caliborn makes his way to your neck, trailing through it with heated kisses, biting and nipping at your pale skin. You can't help but gasp in his ministrations, fuck, he's eager today.

You try and smirk at him, but you're pretty damn sure that it comes out all nervous and taut. "So what's got you up in a -"

"Tell me you're mine, Dirk," Caliborn then breaths out, mouth hovering against the nape of your neck. You don't even notice that he pulls your phone away from your hands, placing it on the nearest flat surface.

He forces you to turn around and face him, making you lose your balance once again. Good thing that his thick arm is still wrapped around your tiny waist in a vice grip. You're not that sure what's with him today but he's already commanding at you again.

" _Say_ it," he continues to urge you and you couldn't help but feel a lot more nervous that you already are. He resumes at taking action in your neck, going lower and lower until he reaches out the part where your left shoulder meets with your neck. Then he bites down, _hard_ , you had to bite out your own lips to stifle out a groan coming out from your throat.

"W - why? What is up with you today?" you mutter out, slightly confused. You already know that Caliborn would go a little overboard with it comes to having sex with you. Sometimes, he gets too rough, not that you're complaining. But he just doesn't jump on you like what he's doing right now.

Suddenly, he raises his hand in the back of your head and grabs a fist full of your hair. He yanks it backward and you let out a yelp. With that, you're forced to meet your boyfriend's eyes, you can feel yourself blanching as you see his expression.

There is something in his eyes that made you somewhat afraid. Because not only that it's possessive and predatory, but there's also a twinge of anger and rage in it. Like when he's in a bad mood and that he's about to hit you anytime now. Shit.

"Stop fucking asking questions, Dirk, and just do as I fucking say!" he screams at you. Not wanting to get beaten by him, your answer is instantaneous and immediate.

"I'm yours," you relent, slightly hissing as he keeps on pulling at your hair.

He continues to glare at you. "Always?"

"I - sure, always."

Then he smirks darkly at you before leaning down and giving you an intense and heated kiss. Of course, you let him take the lead, opening your mouth as soon as he demands permission of entrance. He explores your mouth with his tongue, passing and feeling every nook and cranny.

Within the kiss, Caliborn nips your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. If it weren't for the growing haziness in your mind, you would've pushed him away for doing that, because fuck did that hurt like hell.

A couple more seconds later, he withdraws back from your mouth and making his way to the shell of your ear. Kissing _that_ spot that would make you melt against him. And you can't help it, you practically went boneless in his arms with that. And you know that he knows that well.

He knows a lot of things about you. Not just from physical intimacy but as well as your life, your secrets, on how you tick and function.

"Good," he whispers hollowly in your ear, making you gulp in anxiety. "Because _nobody_ in this whole goddamn world is going to take you away from me. I fucking won't let that happen, not now, not _ever_. You're mine, Dirk, do you hear me? You're _mine_."

You wince as he tightens his grip even more on your head. You're starting to worry that he might tear away the skin of the scalp. After that, he kicks at your shin, successfully bringing you down on your knees. Not too soon you hear the sound of a zipper being brought down, you prepare yourself for what's coming next.

"Now be a good boyfriend and put that pretty little mouth of yours to good use."

You never get to reply to any of Jake's messages after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the next chapter, I hope you guys enjoyed it AHAHAHAHA. I'll try to write and post the next one as soon as possible :)


	7. But if you never try you'll never know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are finally getting developed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it returns... with yet another short chapter. This chapter is also pesterlog heavy soooo yeah.  
> Enjoy, as always!!!

\-- tispyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 17:53 --

TT: jaaaaaaaaake  
TT: jakey jakey jakey  
TT: jaek english answer meeee  
TT: whoops *jake hehe  
TT: english i swear to gog where da flip are you?   
TT: its rox btw  
TT: you know... that sexy foxy roxy that you met on the bakeshop with the d-stri from before ;0  
TT: damit *;)  
TT: *damnit DAMNIT   
GT: Oh dear lord roxy. Cant you just wait for a bit tad longer without you swarming me with all your bubblegum text?   
TT: nop!   
TT: *nope, you should never leave a girl hanging like this jake cuz it aint a gentlemanly thing to do.   
TT: you wouldnt want that right jake? i tot you were a gentleman :(  
GT: How did you even found out about my pesterchum handle?  
TT: why with dirk of course! hes my bffsies 4ever he could never keep secrets with me and that includes ur chumhandle  
TT: so there u have it, our very first conversation on pesterchum  
TT: aint this exciting :DD  
GT: Oh it truly is indeed. However forgive me for my tardiness in answering your messages. I was... busy, at the moment.   
GT: Of course i could never leave such a fair lady in waiting.   
TT: hoooo boi you makin me swoon hard over here, you sly english muffin  
GT: Well what could i say. I am known for my charm in these parts. ;)  
TT: lmoa dork  
TT: *lmao srry  
TT: anyway  
TT: im gonna tell you the real reason on why i had started pestering now out of all times.. but i just rlly need to tell you something.   
GT: Okay i believe i could spare my time talking to you instead of just lazing around over the internet. Im all ears ms lalonde, let me at em with whatever is it that you need to say.   
TT: okay... so here goes: basiclly dirk is sad :(((  
TT: fuck *basically  
GT: Oh? In what way to be exact?   
TT: like,,, well for one he doesnt usually smile anymore  
TT: and tho we both probs know that dirk isnt that much of faciall expression guy and is usually so stoic andshit  
TT: *facial *and shit  
TT: but yeah hes smiling a little less than hes supposed to whenever hes hangin out with me and callie  
TT: second is that even tho i know again that hes not the kind of person to be open that much but hes been HELLA secretive and its jus so goddamn frustrating  
GT: Damn... I dont know what to say. How long its been this way?   
TT: for two whole weaks tops  
TT: *werks  
TT: *WEEKS   
GT: Well do you know any reason at why hes acting that way?   
TT: .............  
TT: ..no?  
GT: ...  
GT: Roxy we both know well that thats a lie. I could feel it over that text.  
TT: i know! but ummm its kinda private i guess..  i mean - im pretty sure that he doesnt want other people knowing it  
TT: no offense btw, given that hes ur used-to-be best friend  
GT: *Sigh. Its fine, i wont pry.  
TT: yyeah, im sorry  
GT: Dont be. Now what could i do to help you with your (and dirk's) dilemma? I take it that youre having problems with cheering him up?   
TT: yeeep, m'just gonna say it!   
TT: so i need you to take dirk out on a datr  
TT: gdi *DATE  
GT: WHAT?!  
GT: ROXY WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK SHOULD I NEED TO DO THAT?   
GT: havent you noticed that i intend to keep my secret crush from the guy? Oh and yeah said guy already has a goddamn BOYFRIEND!!   
TT: jegus crisht CALM UR TITS  
TT: *jesus christ  
TT: its just like - hang out with him or whatever.. you know, as friends only  
TT: kinda like a date but not rlly  
TT: but make it special so itd make him happy  
TT: and then those three lines rhyme.. me so great  
TT: but srsly, take him out somewhere, i dont care... but dun make it so cliche like going to the cinema or something  
TT: think of something different!!   
GT: And why, if i may ask, am i supposed to be the one to do this?  
GT: As you have just said im just a used-to-be best friend. Youre his best friend now so why cant you do it instead?   
TT: bc i know that dirk would just see it as a lame attempt for cheering him up.. hed most probably say no and get too fed up with my meddlings  
TT: hed say that hes fine or he could handle it by himself.. being the egoistic douchebag he is  
TT: so then i thought of another person who would be willing to take him out  
TT: a person who i know dirk cant say no to cuz he might not wanna come out as rude or something  
TT: a person who is named jake english perhaps???   
GT: ... I swear this is going to be the end of me.  
TT: please? i mean - its just not because of ur crush for him..   
TT: i just want for him to be happy again and i guess you could help a lot  
GT: Okay fine. Ill do it, ill think of something out.   
TT: yeeeeeey!!!!!!!  
TT: thanks soso much jake :DDD  
GT: Dont thank me just yet. Dirk could still decline for all we know.  
TT: oh believe me, he wont be doing that.. WONK  
TT: fuck *wink  
TT: ;))))  
GT: Now what does that supposed to mean?

\-- tispyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 18:27 --

GT: Codswallop.

* * *

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 18:35 --

GT: Jane?  
GT: I need to talk to you.  
GG: Well, dearest friend, never fear. Jane Crocker, here, reporting for duty! :B  
GG: Now what could I do for you, Jake?   
GT: I need to ask you something.   
GT: What if i told you that im going to ask my crush-ever-since-i-was-like-fourteen-years-old out for this date but not actually a date soon?   
GG: Erm, care to elaborate?  
GT: So it was originally roxys idea. Shes one of dirks college friends.  
GG: Oh, yes, I believe I have met her at the bakeshop. Blonde hair, dark lipstick, and bright pink eyes?   
GT: Thats the one.  
GG: So, why did she proposed the idea to you? I'm guessing that she already knows about your little secret?   
GT: You guess that right im afraid. And apparently dirks been a bit down lately and she wants me to cheer him up by taking him out. Or something.  
GT: I was actually thinking that i take him to that amusement park by the edge of the town? Since roxy said to make the 'date' different or something.   
GT: Its been mentioned once or twice in conversations with dirk so i guess it could be a nice option. What do you think?  
GG: Oh my, that's quite lovely, Jake! I think the amusement park idea is wonderful. It'll be perfect given what season it is and how romantic dates could there.  
GG: This is your chance. Just imagine, you and him, all alone, having fun and all that cheesy stuff couples do on movies!   
GT: Yeah it wouldve been great.   
GT: If only that dirk doesnt have someone who looks like hes gonna pulverize me any second as a goddamn boyfriend, im sure everything will be fine and dandy!   
GT: But seriously as much as i want to get excited because of it i still cant help but feel awful.   
GT: Awful not only because i feel like its going to be cheating but also because i most probably gonna spend the entire time thinking that he could never be mine.   
GT: That even after all the fun were going to having on the occasion, by the end of the day its just going to be me and him walking away from each other like weve always had.   
GT: And im pretty sure that id be miserable for the rest of my life... again.   
GG: Hey, don't say that!  
GG: I mean - I know that it will hurt. But keep in mind that Dirk is going to be happy and that it'll be all because of you. You'd want that, wouldn't you?  
GT: Of course i do.  
GG: Then you don't have to be so miserable about it. It will hurt, but it doesn't have to stay for long.   
GT: Erm. Care to explain why are you telling this to me?   
GG: Let's just say that it takes one to know one.   
GT: ...  
GT: This isnt just about dirk isnt it?  
GT: Jane im sorry.  
GG: Oh, shush! I already told you, it's fine that you can't return my feelings.   
GG: And fine, let's say that from time to time, said feelings would still resurface and that sometimes, it would still hurt. But I can't force you into a relationship that you wouldn't want, am I right?   
GT: Yes.  
GG: Then I'm perfectly fine with how things currently the way they are. I can't hold you back, knowing that you can't love me that way. I know that you'd be much happier if you're free, so who am I to take that away from you?   
GG: It hurts, but I don't let myself be too miserable about it. I'm happy if your happy, Jake. And hopefully, it'd be like that with you and Dirk as well.   
GT: ...   
GT: Jane have i told you that youre literally the best?  
GG: You've said that for the millionth time, hun. I'll never get used to it since we all know that that's the truth. :B  
GG: Nonetheless, I'd still like to thank you for the compliment. And I just wanna say, I think that you should go for it. For the date, I mean.  
GG: I'm sure that you want to make him happy.   
GT: Yeah you guessed that right again...  
GT: So, amusement park?   
GG: Yes, allow me to help with the arrangements.   
GG: You want to stop by the bakeshop so that we could talk more?   
GT: As long as theres free food im always willing to go.  
GG: You dork, just meet me at the shop in fifteen.

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 18:59 --

* * *

"So, you want me to go the amusement park with you?"

"Uh, yes?"

Your name is Dirk Strider and you're a bit surprised at what's happening right now.

You're currently at the bookstore that Jake's working at, where he and you first met again after so many years. It's just the end of his shift when he meets up with you by the science-fiction section. You're holding a book about some post-robotic war when he brings up the topic that now is the perfect time to visit the amusement park that he's been mentioning you for the past weeks.

"I suppose it's alright that I go," you then shrug, ignoring the growing feeling fear in your stomach if ever you'd tell your boyfriend about this. "But are you sure you want me to have that spare ticket?"

He then rolls his eyes at you. "I already told you, Jane has already canceled due to her being busy that week. I'm sure that Roxy will be busy making plans for her party. Do you see that my group of friends expands more after that? No? So yes, I'm sure that I want _you_ to have it."

"Well, since you asked so nicely..."

With that, Jake's face lights up like a Christmas tree. His mouth spreads into a wide grin, you're even tempted to crack one yourself. But your much more anxious self is winning over, so you remained as reserved as ever.

"Dirk, that's just great. Although I know that it's just the same with every amusement park you'd know, but it's fine. I'm sure that we'd have so much fun together!"

"Yeah, I guess," you say, still feigning impassiveness. It's not a while before Jake notices your lack of enthusiasm and frowns at you.

"Is everything alright?" he asks, his tone filled with utmost concern. "If you don't want to then it's completely fine -"

"No, it's not that" you suddenly interrupt him.  "It's... It's - you know."

It only takes seconds before Jake could put two and two together. "Oh, it's Caliborn, isn't it?"

Shrugging aimlessly, you answer. "Yeah, you guessed that right."

"Look, I already told you, it's fine if you can't go, it's understandable," Jake mutters with a grin. However, you don't fail to notice the disappointment in his voice and eyes.

Damn it, you really want to go with him. You're pretty damn sure that you're going to have fun. And it's not just because of the rides, it's also because it's _Jake_ you're going out with. Not to mention that you're hella tired of being around the same roof as Caliborn. You could always use a little breath of fresh air.

Plus, you hate seeing Jake look so sad and down, you hate it more when you're the reason about it. So... you guessed, it wouldn't hurt anyone that you take a break from your relationship every once in a while. You just hope that Caliborn would be amenable to it.

"Hey, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and ask him," you reply. Then you immediately saw the green-eyed man look hopeful once more, that's good. "Who knows? Maybe some terms could be arranged. And besides, there's no way that I'm going to live down such a fine offer."

"Oh, fuck yeah!" he exclaims. It's loud enough that some people actually look and stare at the two of you, much to your embarrassment. You are about to tell him to calm down when Jake actually grabs you and pulls you forward into a tight hug.

You tense for a little bit when he does that, taken aback at the affectionate gesture, it's a tad uncanny. It's been a while since you've shared a hug with another person who isn't Roxy. Although there's still Calliope, but she and you weren't too touchy-feely with each other, so you two rarely hug.

Then with Caliborn, whenever he has an arm around your waist, or when he's hugging you from behind in public, there's surely a touch of possessiveness to it. Sometimes, it's forceful enough that it becomes a bit uncomfortable. But of course, you can't say that to your boyfriend with him landing a good solid in your face.

So now, with Jake having his strong arms around you, it nowhere as hell feels uncomfortable. Jake's holding you against him right now as if you're someone fragile and precious. Someone who needs to be treasured, in a way. And you'd be lying if that ain't weird as fuck.

But then again, it's a _good_ kind of weird. And damn, this is some good shit. His hug is gentle and warm, makes you feel sort of safe. So you then relax into his touch, returning the hug since you didn't even notice how rigid you originally are.

This is perfectly fine, there's no harm in hugging your childhood best friend. There's no harm in feeling much lighter whenever you're with Jake. There's no harm in thinking that what if _he_ is your boyfriend instead of Caliborn.

Seldom times these past few weeks, you'd think of it. You'd think that if you had the guts to even say that you liked him before you left him for good those past years. And every damn time you feel so shitty and guilty about it because that's almost cheating on your current boyfriend.

But you guess, there's no one getting hurt, and it's not like there's going to be any problems because of it. This is fine, you're not harming anyone. No, not at all.

A few more seconds later, Jake breaks the hug. It's not long enough before you notice that a couple of people are still looking at you. Still, you couldn't find yourself to even give a single fuck.

Jake glance at you, eyes brimming with fondness. He lets out a sheepish smile. "Sorry if I overstepped your boundaries. I mean, it was just the heat of the moment and you know well that I let my emotions get the best of me..."

In return, you small smirk yourself. "S'fine, dude. I got through your overly cuddly self back then when we're teenagers, I'm sure I'll survive now as well."

"So how does this Saturday sound for you?"

"Sounds pretty good to me. I'll keep in mind to start in being extra hard-working as soon as I get back in my apartment. Now allow me to purchase this novel first, then we could grab some snacks later. You game?"

"But of course, if it would absolutely please his majesty. Who am I to turn down such a fine offer anyway?" Jake says, he's sheepish smile turns into a cheeky grin. You roll your eyes at him half-heartedly.

"You're never going to let go of that goddamn joke, aren't you?"

"Nope!" he chirped happily. "And we both know well that you love me too much to even stop me."

You're pretty sure that it's meant to be a joke, but your heart leaps for a little bit when he mentions the word 'love'. Haha, yeah. You love him, but just as a _friend_ of course.

Everything's perfectly fine with you and Jake. You just hope that you won't do anything stupid in the near future that would ruin that.


	8. And ignite your bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of Jake and Dirk's date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been a while, you could blame school (and life, in general) for that. I'm sorry for the delay and thanks a lot for being patient with me. Hopefully, the next chapter wouldn't be as late as this. Advanced Merry Christmas to you guys and as always, enjoy!! :D

Your name is Dirk Strider and if you're going to be completely honest here, you think Jake went a little overboard with regards to this friendly meeting. Because not only that Jake had insisted on picking you up from your place, but also because he had pretty much brought a ride for the both of you.

"Wow, I didn't know you had a motorcycle." you comment as you see him park said bike along the sidewalk and make his way towards the front porch of your apartment building.

"It's actually borrowed from one of my co-workers at the bookstore." he finally replies, a tad sheepish.

You find yourself frowning a bit. "You know you didn't have to do that, we could've just taken the bus for all I care."

"I'd rather us not spending anything on transportation. Consider it as your first treat for today." Jake shrugs as he finally reaches you, you can't help but mentally nod in approval of his look for today.

He is currently wearing a green tank top under a grayish-blue denim jacket, some khaki shorts that showed off his perfectly toned legs, and a pair of combat boots that looks like it's been worn for a billion times. The first and only thing that you could think of as he stands there in front of you is, _'Damn, he looks hot.'_

Which is definitely something that _you_ shouldn't be thinking at all. Especially when your boyfriend is just inside the building behind you, who may or may not be watching from the apartment window stories from the ground. Just thinking of it already sends uncomfortable jitters down your gut.

But shit, knowing Caliborn, he just might.

Shaking away more ideas of that creepy notion, you instead tell yourself to calm down like always. Don't do anything _stupid_ that might jeopardize this whole thing.

However, when your eyes met with his beautiful green eyes, you could only think how the hell have you not fainted right then and there.

"Wow, you look great," you blurt out while Jake's eyes widen in reply.

_'Jesus christ, Strider,'_ you scold yourself in your own mind. _'Stop embarrassing yourself.'_

Instantly, you regret everything the moment those words come off right from your mouth. You feel yourself flushing in embarrassment. You then open your mouth to try and add anything to lessen the growing awkwardness, but then Jake beats you to it.

"Uh, thanks? You look quite dashing yourself," he compliments with yet another huge grin. Though you can't understand why you'd look as such. Considering that you're only wearing a maroon hoodie that Roxy gave you for your birthday, some ripped jeans, and your most beloved pair of orange Converse.

You cough, once, twice, trying to hide more of your mortification. "So," you mutter. "I suppose that we should go now. Ain't no time like the present, right?"

"You supposed correct, my good friend. Let's go," he nods off towards his motorbike before trudging back towards it. You immediately followed after him.

Once the two of you reach it, Jake stretches out a hand holding a helmet towards you. You take the helmet as he swiftly mounts the bike, donning his own helmet. He looks at you when five seconds later, you just stand there like an idiot, not knowing what to do.

"Well, come on, I won't bite," he says, eyes filled with mirth. You could practically feel his shit-eating grin behind the goddamn helmet. You only roll your eyes in retaliation.

"I didn't know you could ride one," you mutter at him. You mount the motorcycle too, making yourself comfortable as you sit just behind him. Then you remove your shades (it won't even fit), let it hang on the collar of your hoodie, and put on the helmet.

"I used to have one." Jake wistfully replies, twisting the vehicle's keys as it's engine roars with life. "But I had to sell it because I need money to buy grandma's meds."

"Oh, well shit. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, the only thing that you should be doing is holding on tight since this is gonna be one hell of a ride."

And with just that, without even a single warning, Jake revs up the bike and speeds off. This has resulted with you yelping in surprise, grasping at his torso in alarm. You hear him chuckling in amusement at your reaction.

_'Asshole,'_ you thought to yourself without actually meaning any of it.

As Jake accelerates the motorcycle, you can't help but feel cautious and gradually tighten your clutch around his firm and broad midsection. You could feel the wind whipping against your sides, given at how fast Jake's driving the damn thing. And good thing that there weren't many cars around town today.

You press your chest against his back, damn, he's actually warm as hell. You just hope that Jake doesn't mind having you this close to him.

But then again, this is Jake you're talking about. The guy's all hugs and cuddles, of course, he'd be fine with this.

Minutes later, about ten to fifteen, you finally make your way to your destination. Jake parks his bike in the parking lot, you then get off of it, feeling light-headed than most. After that, you took off your helmet and gave it back to the brunette. You perched your beloved shades in the bridge of your nose once again.

Jake does the same with his helmet. He doesn't even bother to fix his unruly hair, in contrast to your diligent processes of fixing yours. Seriously, it took almost one hour to style your perfect hair. The green-eyed man only looks at you, amused. "Did you enjoy the ride?"

"Took me by surprise, but all in all, I'm cool. Though I'm pretty damn sure that you fucking have broken the speed limit once or twice. It is a miracle that the two of us didn't get arrested."

In reply, Jake laughs softly for a little bit, he raises one of his hands to rub it on the back of his neck. "Sorry, it's been a while since I got ahold of a bike myself. And I just like riding the motorcycle that sometimes, it gets the best of me... If that even makes any sense."

"It does," you nod in understanding. "Most of the time when I get too in depth of my own robotic schtick, I don't recognize the time I've spent working on a single project. I'd sometimes start at 8 AM, then the next thing I know, it's 2 AM in the goddamn morning. It gets the best of me too."

"Oh, cool. I'm glad that I'm not the only one, then?"

"Yeah, so shall we proceed?" you offered.

"Ain't no time like the present." Jake grins once again as he replies, and by god, you swear this man is literally going to be the end of you.

* * *

"So, where do you want to first?"

You shrug at him as the two of you finally enter the park. "I don't know, man. How 'bout you pick? I mean, you've been here several times, right?"

"I guess you're right," Jake answers as you see him fiddling with his back pockets. Seconds later, he fishes out his wallet and grins devilishly at you. "And I know just the place where we could go."

He then reaches down and tugs at your wrist. With that, he speeds up his pace, dragging you with him. Both of you pass by a shit ton of people. Jake rapidly dodging them left and right, while you almost bumping to about five of them.

It's not a while before you had reached your first stop in the amusement park. You notice that it's one of those stalls where you have to buy tickets to play and win prizes or some shit. You almost roll your eyes at him, not even surprised that Jake would pick this out of all things that you could do.

There weren't that many people in line in the stall, so the owner takes note quickly of the two of you approaching. What takes you by surprise is that the owner, herself, seem to recognize Jake.

She has tanned skin and a muscular built, her long black hair kept in two long braids. She's currently wearing a black t-shirt and several gold piercings in her left eyebrow. She also has pink styled glasses over her eyes, which are an amazing shade of fuschia. You see her smirking, smug, towards you two.

"Whale, whale, whale," the woman mutters, twirling one of her long braids in her index finger. "If it isn't Jake fucking English in the flesh. Water you doin' here, buoy, you here to whisk away all my precious prizes again?"

You stop just in front of the stall. You raise a questioning eyebrow, bemused not only by the notable puns but also by the fact that Jake seems to know her as well.

"It's great to see you again, Meenah." Jake greets nicely, waving his hand at her. She waves back, not missing a single second before noticing you too. At first, she looks confused, but then she merely smirks knowingly at the two of you again.

"Who's this, English? Your newest bouytoy?" she inquires, flashing a huge smile which showed the rows of sharp teeth underneath. "I must admit, you reely are a fine piece of work."

You instantly feel some heat rushing throughout your entire face. Jake, meanwhile, had become red as a tomato, eyes wide that it is almost comical. You see him sputtering out helplessly, immediately denying that you two are in a relationship and that you only came here as friends.

The woman, Meenah, had only cackled out loud in glee. The laughter lasts for quite some time, about twenty seconds or so, much to your embarrassment. After that, Jake speaks up again, looking just as mortified as you. "Oh for Pete's sake, Peixes, can't just two _friends_ play in your stall in goddamn peace."

"Suuuuure," she retaliates, not convinced for even the slightest bit. "You keep telling yourself that, Jake. 'Friends', my ass, you are so filled with bullshit."

"Uh, we really are just friends," you state to her as you stand there, awkward.

With that, Meenah looks at you quizzically, then at Jake, then at you, then at Jake all over again. She does that for who knows how long again before finally resigning. It's not long before she finally sighs in defeat. "Whale, I suppose you're here to play in my lovely stall."

"I don't even know why you guessed." Jake mutters, before skimming in his wallet and taking out a five-dollar bill. He hands it towards her, to which she happily accepts. She then proceeds to get something from under the table. When she emerges again she's holding out a paintball gun, giving it to the green-eyed man.

"You know the usual," Meenah says casually. "Seven tries you get, hit all the center targets and you win a prize."

Jake cocks his head to the side and smirks smugly. "Like I need seven tries."

Right, you almost forgot. You now remember it all too well when you still haven't left this town, Jake used to love sharp-shooting. Or well, you guess he still likes to up til now. But back in the old days, he used to have loads of BB guns which he uses to practice said skills. Sometimes, he'd even use two pistols at the same time. And every time, he'd hit the all the targets with outstanding prowess. It was just as impressive as your own sword-fighting skills.

In a matter of seconds, Jake has already hit all three of the bullseyes posted on the wall at the far end opposite of the stall. He smiles triumphantly while you let out a small grin of your own.

"I'm not even surprised," Meenah mutters under her breath. "Do you want another round?"

"You know it," he answers.

Said second round happens, and he shoots all targets again without even breaking a sweat.

"Cod, you truly are going to bring home all my goddamn prizes, aren't you?"

Jake then shakes his head. "Not really, I'm just gonna bring home two."

"To whom are you going to give it anyway?" you then pipe up and ask.

"Well, I'm going to give one for Calliope, because well, it's her going to be her birthday soon. And the other to -"

"Roxy?" you finish for him since you guess it's only normal for him to do that. "Because you're too much of a nice person to not just give Calliope?"

Because of that, Jake smiles, looking sheepish and slightly embarrassed. "Not quite... I'm actually thinking of giving the other one to - erm, well, _you_."

Your brain just kinda short-circuits with what he just said. "What?"

"You heard me, I'm giving the other one to you. You could just say that you're the one who won it as a prize and not me to Caliborn if that's what you're worried about."

"I - That's not... Why, though?" you question, a bit speechless.

He shrugs, playing it off as if it's no big deal. "Why the hell not? The last time I checked, there's nothing wrong with giving your best mate a gift even if there's no special occasion every once in a while."

You still don't know how to respond to that. Even if he's already explained it to you, you still can't believe it. It's just that - you get that Jake's nice. But it's actually weird that you get these kinds of gifts from a friend (and from _Jake_ of all people), rather than your own goddamn boyfriend. As of now, Caliborn rarely gives you such affectionate gestures. 

It's weird. But once again, it's a good weird. A really good weird. But if Jake honestly wants to give one to you, then who are you to even turn down such a fine offer.

"Well," you then return a small smile at him, trying to be nonchalant even though you could still feel your cheeks flaring. "If you really want to give it to me, then sure, 'why the hell not' indeed."

Jake's nice ~~and beautiful~~ smile widens, his forest green eyes beaming with utter happiness. You'd be lying if you didn't feel any sense of pride in pulling that kind of reaction from him. He turns to Meenah, his grin never leaving his face before saying, "I'd take two of my prizes now, thank you very much!"

Before you even know it, a huge stuffed animal is being shoved in your arms. You take your time to study the stuffed animal in hand. For one, it's pretty damn huge, almost half of your height. The next thing that you notice is that it's -

"A seagull?" you slip up, not even bothering to hide your surprise as you stare at it.

Jake gives you a confused look. "You don't like it? But I thought it's your favorite animal."

"English, the last time I said that to you we were ten years old and I had visited the sea for the first time in my life."

You don't remember that incident that much. Your older brother had taken you to the beach one time when you're still a kid. And it just so happens that Jake and his grandmother were invited as well. You spent the entire week in a rented beach house, doing nothing but swimming and relaxing and having fun.

You remember when you realized that you love the ocean so much. You remember when you and Jake had journeyed near the caves where all the seagulls were, where you told Jake the exact reason now why you have a stuffed version of it. And you remember all too well being happy with him, being happy with Jake.

It was one of the best days of your life.

"Oh..." Jake pauses for a bit, before looking apologetic. "I - I could pick another one if you like. I mean, if you -"

You roll your eyes, before butting in, "Don't worry, it's fine. I was just surprised that you still thought of that after all these years. I... I like it, you don't have to change it."

"Really?" he doesn't look sorry anymore, more like hopeful.

"Yeah," you confirm, wrapping your gangly arms around the toy tightly.

It is only then that Meenah decided that it's the perfect time to chime in. "You know, he personally told me to buy a stuffed seagull as a prize in my stall just so he could win it for someone. Apparently, that someone is you."

That leads to a smirk in your face and Jake blushing furiously. "Is that so? You planned all of this, English?"

"I - no! Maybe...? Yes." Jake sighs in defeat. "Well, I wasn't going to half-ass this whole thing, okay?"

"S'cool, bro, no need to freak out about it. It's quite a relief that you still love me after all these years." you tease.

He replies with a mock scoff, before matching your playful smirk. "Of course, wouldn't want to leave his majesty unsatisfied and bored now, would I?"

Meanwhile, Meenah merely rolls her eyes at the two of you, head shaking in what seemed to be disbelief. You almost miss the comment that she mumbles under her breath. "I swear, never have I met such two oblivious idiots."

The statement kinda put you off the moment you hear it. Having the word 'oblivious' and 'idiot' being pertained to you. All of a sudden, you recall Roxy's own words for you. It's like that all over again, only this time, it isn't only towards you, it's towards Jake as well.

Is there something that you should know?

Before you could even follow that question in your mind, your train of thought is interrupted by Jake grabbing your wrist again and dragging you away from the stall. "Come on, Dirk, there's still loads of places that we could try out here!"

You decide to yourself that you won't try and overthink things too much right now. There's plenty of time to do that once you're done with your friendly date with English.

Right now, all you need to do is to let go, relax, and just like what Roxy had said to you a dozen of times, _have fun_.

Have fun with him, have fun with Jake.

Your name is Dirk Strider, and if you're going to be completely honest here, you think you're actually going to have a day that you could consider as 'one of the bests' for the first time in a very long time.


	9. Just what you're worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Dirk and Jake's date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been while. I highly apologize, I know you'll only hate excuses, but really, I've just been super busy lately. And most probably it'll be like that for the next few months (gahd, I suck)... So allow me to say it just now, the upd8s will be very infrequent. But I swear, I'm doing my best (not to mention that this chapter is a little longer than it's supposed to be, I hope that makes up for all the time that I've been gone).
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

"Whatever happened to 'taking it like a champ', English?" the blond beside you says as he snickers at your side.

Your name is Jake English and you think you're going to be sick.

But you only try to rest your swirling mind before you could go even farther in that place. The place where you throw up in the cold, stone pavement right then and there. So instead, you roll your eyes at Dirk, huffing in frustration as you see his smug smirk looking up at you. Ever since the two of you were kids, he's always been a little shit.

"Maybe it just so happens that it's been a while since I rode a fucking _roller coaster_ , cut me some slack, Strider." you attempt to retort, glaring at him as much as you can. That is if your ongoing dizziness isn't going to make it harder for you.

"Say everything you want, Jake. At least I wasn't the one who screamed like a little girl when we got to that eighty-foot drop."

You then groan in embarrassment, remembering that part all too well. Of course, one of your arms had immediately grabbed tight onto the blond's wiry frame when that happened. And yes, while screaming like a little girl. At least Dirk didn't mind the sudden all-up-on-your-personal-space move, from what you think.

Dirk chuckles with that and you can't help but pout at him. Silence dawns between the two of you as you walk around the amusement park. A moment passes and it's not a while before you hear Dirk speak up again. "So, how are you doing? Still dizzy and traumatized? You know you could always use that stuffed toy as a comfort object."

Right, you still have the soft and comfortable teddy bear that you'll be giving to Calliope for her birthday. You have inside a paper bag so that it'd be easier to carry. Then you look at Dirk's own stuffed animal that you gave to him. Your heart lurches as you see him clutching it in his long, gangly arms. He still hasn't let go of the thing ever since you gave it to him, save for some instances where you need to try out an extreme ride.

Now, that's a cute sight, in your own opinion.

You also catch that there's a little bit of concern in his voice, but mostly he plays it off as nonchalant and teasing. Still, that didn't stop your heart from doing more flips as you're touched by that notion. You let out a shrug in reply. "I'll live, don't worry about me."

"Hmm, then how about we move on to the next ride, then? Can I pick this time?" he suggests and asks as you feel him trudging closer and closer to you until your sides are almost touching. You swear, you just _might_ sling one of your arms around his shoulders out of affection. Luckily, you resist such a temptation.

Geez, does he even know what's he's doing to you?

"Yeah... Of course, you can." you blurt out instead, much to your chagrin.

"Cool," he mutters, looking left and right, trying to spot the next ride that you'll be riding. In mere seconds, he seems to have picked one already as he points at something in your right. "How about that one?"

In return, you crane your neck towards the direction he's pointing at. You take note the ride he's regarding right away because well, it is _that_ noticeable.

Snorting, you reply, "The Ferris wheel? Can't you be more cliche than that?"

"Nah, not really. I only deemed that it would fit well as some sort of finale. And besides, from what I what I recall, you're scared shitless of heights. So might as well take the torture to a whole new level." he finishes with a cheeky smirk.

"That's a low blow and we both know it, Strider." you mutter under your breath.

"Hey, don't say that, English, they say that to overcome your fears, you must face them. Now, how 'bout we finish this date once and for all."

Your heart automatically leaps as soon as you hear the word 'date' in that sentence. But you damn know well that he didn't mean it that way. It's yet another platonic gesture, like what how he always did when he still haven't left. And for the love of everything that is holy, you swear, this guy is going to be the end of you.

Feeling the cold sweat trickling down your back, you gulp, nervous, as you walk beside him. Your stomach fills itself up growing dread as the two of you start heading for the ride.

Now that you think of it, the actual fear that's building up deep inside you now isn't even connected to your phobia of heights at all.

Fuck heights, what's way more terrifying is having you and Dirk alone on that freaking Ferris wheel like any other person will expect from a _couple_.

* * *

"Now, this is excruciatingly boring," you comment not long enough after the two of you entered one of the cabs.

Dirk lets out a huge sigh of exasperation. "Jake, you are so full of shit, how about you open your eyes and look at the view. Maybe that way you could find it in yourself to actually enjoy the ride."

"Nope," you stubbornly reply, keeping your eyes shut tight. He's teased all the way since you've finished riding the roller coaster, even in the goddamn line, he keeps on embarrassing you. You know that he's aware of the fact that you'd flip your shit when you happen to open your eyes even the slightest bit.

Not wanting to give him the satisfaction just yet, you huff in annoyance and turn away from him.

"Come on, now, don't be such a spoilsport. I swear, I won't make fun of you if you get scared," he reassures.

Then you feel his body heat getting closer and closer to you side. Within an instance, your heart pumps furiously on your chest as he slides up even closer. Your breath hitches when you feel him press his lips right beside your ear.

"I'll be here, trust me on this one, okay?" the blond speaks up again seconds later and you almost jump in surprise. You immediately open your eyes because of surprise, you could feel your face flushing red.

For a moment, you regret it right away when you opened your eyes. You couldn't care less if you could see a shit ton of buildings in your line of vision or if you could look at people down bellow like their measly ants. Because well, being that high up from the ground _isn't_ that much of a great view at all.

But then your eyes had found a much more beautiful view that any other scenery or sight combine.

Dirk blinks up at you right then and there, all in his shades-less glory. His amber eyes showing quite a bit of alarm, most probably because of your reaction. Damn, they're so fucking orange that it could literally put every time that you see a beautiful sunset to fucking shame.

_'Shit, this is exactly why I fell in love with you the first time we met.'_

Thinking back at it, your eight-year-old self was pretty stupid to think that he actually found the love of his life within mere seconds.

Still, that doesn't mean that you didn't love him back then.

You're in love with him. Always have been, always will be.

 _'But he doesn't love you...'_ you think to yourself, chest aching straightaway.

And yep, there you have it, your usual bitter self is showing again. Damn you for letting this happen this to yourself.

"Jake?" Dirk asks. You catch that his voice is lacing with alarm and those wonderful eyes of his are lacing with sincere worry.

"I - Well... I'm f-fine!" you answer to him, letting out a nervous chuckle, you don't want for him to be fretful because of you. "Seriously, I'm okay. I - the view got me off guard, is all."

The blond doesn't seem to be that much convinced, but he shrugs off whatever doubt he's got and instead questions. "In a good way or a bad way?"

"Uhh, I guess both? I mean - it still scares the shit out of me, but it could be worse... I guess. By the way? why'd you take off your glasses?"

"We're really fucking high up right now, so I might as well take them off to have a better look on the awesome view..." he gives out yet another shrug, retreating away from you and sitting on a much more respectable space from you. You'd be lying if you say that the air didn't become colder without him by your side. "Don't tell me you find it hella weird now after all these years."

Right, because Dirk doesn't simply remove his 'hella cool' (his words, not yours) triangular shade with anyone. It takes quite a lot of time, patience, trust-gaining, and the proper prying before he shows off his eyes to other people. He explained to you long ago that he had to wear the shades because his eyes are sensitive to the light, just like his older brother. But one time, he did confess that he didn't want other people to look at his eyes because he's anxious that they'd call him a freak.

And 'freak' some people did call him, you remember those times when you tried to defend him from those bullies many, many years ago.

"Not really, I still find them pretty after all these years." you compliment with a soft smile.

On that very second, Dirk's cheeks turn to a slight shade of pink. Without his shades hiding almost half of his face, you find yourself basking in the presence of one blushing Dirk Strider. That too is such a lovely sight.

"Geez, you sure do know how to make a person swoon, don't you?"

Now it's your time to grin cheekily at him, you give him your trademark 'double pistols and a wink'. "Only to you, dear."

The blond beside you simply rolls his eyes at you, an amused smirk playing on his lips. "Just shut up and enjoy the view, you dork."

When the Ferris wheel soon takes on its second turn, you both had a silent agreement to stop talking to each other and enjoy the ride in silence.

An awkward silence looms over the two of you, you can't help but feel anxious for the second time. You're still too damn afraid to even look at the view because your legs always start to uncontrollably shake when you try to do so. Instead, you focus on your hands that's rested on your lap, or to the blond who's taking his sweet time look at the horizon.

The sun has set long ago, what's left in the clear night sky is the endless glowing of the stars, providing light in the darkness that is the void. You remember that you used to count stars just as much as you try and count Dirk's freckles. But now, you can't help but think that that's all folly.

You hear Dirk sigh beside you, feel him shifting as he relaxes to his seat comfortably. "It's truly way better here than in those urbanized cities I used to live in," he mumbles, almost breathless. "I don't get why people would replace _this_ for artificial light from the buildings. There's a scarce amount of visible stars back there, too much air pollution if you ask me."

You completely have no idea what's gotten into you, but you find yourself moving closer to him. The moment you are side by side with him, you notice that he stiffens for a short while, before becoming less tense again. You feel him slightly leaning up against you, so you decide to sling one of your arms around his shoulders. Not long enough, he lays his head on your shoulder.

"They are such marvelous things, aren't they, Jake?" the blond again mutters, wistful.

The conversation should've ended right there, at that exact point. Or maybe it should've ended with an agreement as your reply. But no, being the stupid oaf you are, what you blurt out as an alternative is, " _You're_ marvelous."

Dirk goes rigid once again on your touch as soon as he hears it. Then, he shoots up from your shoulder to look at you, his eyes filled with honest confusion. He raises a thick eyebrow at you and not too soon, you already regret the saying that sentence seconds earlier.

If the tone of your voice was the same when you commented about his eyes, maybe then he would've played it as a playful or mindless teasing. But then again, no, it wasn't. The way you said those words to him, it is something that you _don't_ take up as a simple joke. Your voice's laced with sincerity, softness, and most of all, _adoration_.

 _'Jesus fucking christ, you sure do know how to fucking things up, don't you, English?_ you thought to yourself, bitter and embarrassed.

You feel the blush creeping up on your face, cold sweat trickling down your back, the sickening fear in your gut. "Shit, was I too much? I - I'm sorry, Dirk. Truly, I am, I just - "

"It's fine," he interrupts, his once perplexed reaction turning into tiny amusement. "It was hardly your fault."

How was it hardly _your_ fault? You don't understand. "But I - "

"Don't sweat it, English. This is supposed to be the time to continue enjoying the ride."

Dirk continues to lean against you once again and proceeds to not saying a single word afterward, acting as if nothing weird had happened. You wrap your arm around him again, shutting up as he ordered. Still, that didn't help on fighting away the worry, remorse, and shame inside you.

It isn't long before you finish the last turn. You both exit the Ferris wheel cab and head for the exit. The awkward silence has returned and decides to invade the atmosphere between the two of you.

Given that night has already fallen, Dirk decides that it's nigh time that both of you go back to your respective homes. So the next thing you know, you two are riding your (borrowed) motorcycle. With you on the hand grips, and him clutching the papers bags containing your gifts between you on one hand and the backside of the motor on the other.

This time, you didn't even make an effort to speed up so much even though you got the road to yourselves. Little traffic would occur around these parts of the town. With so many things you're carrying, you need to be extra careful with your driving. And besides, there's no rush, might as well keep relaxing to the night sky while the two of you ride to downtown.

You know well enough that Dirk's still sight-seeing, left, right, and up into the horizon, taking up every beautiful scenery as much as he can. He might be reminiscing about those times when he lived here when he was still a child.

You love these kinds of moments. Moments that happened like when he still hadn't moved out of town. Moments when it's only you and him, alone and silent. And even though that no words were exchanged those times, the comfort of having someone, especially _him_ was still there.

Right now, it's just like that, so you decide to savor it as much as you can.

* * *

Several minutes later, you've eventually reach Dirk's apartment building. You both dismount the motorbike, and you pull out your gentleman schtick on him and walk him towards the entrance.

You hand over the paper bag which had his gift in it, he gets the strap of the bag. Your breath hitches as your fingers momentarily touching in the process.

You both stand there for a while, face to face towards each other, not moving a single inch. None of you decide to speak up or even shift from your place, and it seems that the two of you are having a staring contest, to be honest.

Dirk stares at you, craning his head upwards to look at you straight in the eyes. You find it frustrating and unfair from time to time if you're going to be truthful here. How he could look so directly at you, boring his eyes onto yours, meanwhile you only get to stare back at that dark-lensed shades of his.

Maybe you're having this dumbfounded look on your face because you catch Dirk smirking and chuckling in amusement. "You look like a fish out of water, Jake."

And even though he didn't mean it, you give him a small pout in return for his choice of words. "You're so lame, Strider," you reply, puffing out a breath and crossing your arms in your chest like a child.

That gets Dirk to actually laugh softly, almost inaudible, it's good that the streets aren't that super busy, so you manage to hear well. You notice him swaying slightly in his place, fidgeting as he looks at you and mutters out next, "You've hardly changed at all..."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I wouldn't say I'm sure. I guess both?" he answers, his smirk still in place.

You give him look, unamused as you realize that that is the answer you also gave back on the Ferris wheel. "Really?"

"I'm serious. You're still this sweet, gentlemanly, kind, and caring dork that you are when I left. And although sometimes, you make stupid decisions and make a complete fool out of yourself, I don't usually mind like last time. I even find it adorable in some way."

You can't help it, you blush profusely at the comment.

"See? Even up until now you could get easily flustered. It's quite nice to see something so familiar... given how almost everything in this town has changed while I'm gone. I'm glad you haven't changed one bit."

"I - thanks?"

Dirk then sighs before continuing with his rambling. "But in the same time, it's actually annoying the shit out of me. Every time that I try to even think about it, it leaves me downright confused and my head strained as fuck. And I just - I don't understand..."

Then he frowns at you and _no_ , it's so wrong. Dirk isn't supposed to be sad anymore, this is the use of this whole day, right? Does this mean that all your efforts had gone to waste?

"Dirk..."

"I don't understand, why do you have to be so nice to _me_."

"Because you're my friend!" you almost exclaim in disbelief. How can he even say that? It's as if he's saying that he doesn't even _deserve_ you being nice to him. "I also decided for us to go out because Roxy told me so."

"Wait, Roxy told you?" he questions, voice almost sounded with betrayal. Shit, it seems that the cat's out of the bag now, huh?

"I - Well - It's not only because of that! I did it out of my good free will too, not just because Roxy had ordered me to. I did because it I care about you, because I -"

_'I love you.'_

You stop yourself before you even make a fool out of yourself yet again. You let out a breath of exasperation, you try to calm yourself. When Dirk keeps on staring at you, waiting for you to resume whatever it is you're saying, you continued.

"Look, it hardly even matters on the real reason why, but please believe me when I say to you that you're important to me. And that I'd do all this, again and again, I don't care how many times it'd take. As long as you're smiling and happy by the end of the day, it's worth it for me. And that's all that matters."

Dirk is somewhat taken aback with your confession of undying... devotion? He then looks like he's contemplating about something before he shakes his head. He looks at you again, this time with a sad smile written on his face. "When will you ever change, Jake English?" he asks, wistful.

You try to supply a cheery grin of your own. "It takes more than that you mold this guy into a different person, Dirk Strider."

"You know, if it makes you feel any better, I did have fun today. I actually have for the first time in weeks, thank you so much for that."

"Maybe we could do it next time?" you offer.

"Maybe," he replies. Then he starts to walk to the door. But before he could successfully go inside, you stop him by the wrist, calling him with a 'wait'.

He stops in his tracks and turns around to looks at you, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"I -" you don't know what compels you to do it, but you _can't_ take it anymore.

This feeling in your gut that keeps on returning, the burning in your chest, gnawing and flooding away your senses, making you think of doing something _stupid_.

It might be once you've regretted it, you'll allow yourself to call you selfish and desperate. But right now, the only thing you could think about is his warm smile, adorable freckles, and beautiful orange eyes; and most of all, your misery you've always felt all these years.

'I love you.'

For so many times, Dirk had turned his back on you, this moment you choose that you're not going to let him get away now.

You reach out your hand and lay it on his cheek, caressing it tenderly and softly. He freezes at the gesture within an instant. You feel something smudge under your fingertips, it's some sort of cream. And maybe in another time, you'd ask why he puts on concealers and why under them, there's a purple bruise blooming under it.

But right now...

Right now, you step forward towards him, leaning ever so slightly and hand still in his face. You close your eyes while you do it and you hear Dirk gasp in surprise. And that's when you feel it, his lips hovering yours, almost touching. One small move and then you'll have it, the thing that you've been wanting to do for a long, long time.

You start to move again and for a moment, you think that maybe, just _maybe_ , he feels exactly the same way.

If this is a fairy tale, maybe he'd kiss you back and both of you will live happily ever after. If this is a movie or a novel, or a song, maybe he'll accept this and say 'I love you' in return.

If this is exactly the dream you imagined coming true for so many times, maybe then he never would've pushed you back, soft but insistent.

When you open your eyes, the cold and harsh reality dawns in you. When you open your eyes, you see that he has his palms against your chest as he moves you away from him. When you open your eyes, you're met with a look that's filled with confusion and sadness at the same time.

Dirk is the first to speak up, he hands retracting from your chest. "Jake, I - I'm sorry." his voice is filled with utter remorse.

Stupid.

"It's fine."

Stupid.

"But -"

Stupid.

"It was hardly your fault."

You're so fucking stupid. What made you even think that Dirk would want you that way? That this would all magically turn out the way you wanted it to be for so long?

You give him a huge smile, yet you both know well that it's nothing but fake. Everything seems to be crashing down when you abruptly say 'goodbye' and 'have a good night' to him albeit a bit faster than you intend to. You turn around and trudge fast back to your motorbike.

Funny how the tables have been turned because right now it's _you_ who's leaving him behind. Right, of course, because you're too cowardly to face your problems at all. Fuck, you didn't even apologize for your mistake. No, what you did is run away.

You don't know what hurts more: the fact that Dirk didn't even try to call you when you pace away; or the fact that you know well that you deserve all along after what you've just done.

It isn't long before you speed away from the apartment building, away from him, away from Dirk.

You didn't even bother to stop the very first tear from streaming down to your cheek.

Shit, you fucked up _big time_.


	10. Tears stream down your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm back from the land of the dead. School has been a bitch, I'm so sorry. And also, as much as I don't want to give spoilers, but TW: Caliborn in general + check the newly added tag.
> 
> Hopefully, I'll be back sooner rather than later with the next chapter. But please do enjoy :)

Hell, you haven't seen this coming.

Your name is Dirk Strider and shit, you fucked up _big time_.

You stand there, almost paralyzed as you see Jake walk away from you. You see him go away with his borrowed motorbike, as he escapes away from your fingers. As much as you wish to call out for him, to come back and explain, for some sort of reason you can't. Words die right even before they come out from your throat, and you swear, you didn't expect this at _all_.

_Why?_

Jake, he...

A swirl of nausea comes into your own mind. You try and grasp that thought of Jake fucking English actually _liking you that way._ Millions of questions filled up your brain, one question different from the other, but all of it wanting to be answered. All of it wanting the confirmation from Jake himself.

But it's not like you could ask them now, Jake is miles away from you by now. And you highly doubt that he'll actually reply to any of your text messages, or answer any of your calls. You know that now is very much not the time to pry him with what he did. You know Jake, he doesn't like getting cornered like this, especially at a time of vulnerability.

Then again, at the same you _want_ to talk to him as soon as possible.

You are so torn between giving him space and actually settling this like the adults that you truly are. It's not like you should still keep on ignoring each other's true feelings like a bunch of children. Just like when both of you were still sixteen years old.

Then you remember that time when you had to leave town because of your older brother's work. Everything seems to make much more sense right now that you think of it. How that forlorn look from Jake cannot disappear even when you try so hard to make him smile again. How he cried into your shoulder, clutching you tight as if he doesn't want you to disappear.

And then you remember that you felt the same back then. You never wanted to go away, you never wanted to abandon him, you never wanted to see him be so sad.

Yet you still did, a few minutes ago right after you pushed him away.

God, you feel yourself being sick, you may or may not have ruined things for the both of you. Yet you wonder exactly _how long_ Jake's been harboring these feelings from you.

Because if it's that long then Roxy's right, you _are_ such a fucking idiot.

* * *

As much as you wanted to think more of this dilemma regarding one Jake English, you can't help but think that you still have your actual boyfriend waiting for you from your apartment.

You then take the elevator, still feeling light-headed with everything that just happened. Apparently, you were so gathered with your thoughts about Jake that you didn't even notice that Roxy's been pestering you for the past few minutes.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 21:43 --  
TG: diiirk!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: dirk dirk dirk dirk dirk dirk dirk drik dirkd irkd irdkidkr  
TG: holy fucking shit ,,, im so fuckng sorry  
TG: i swear i ddint mean to tell him  
TG: it just kind a sorta slip out from my fingers  
TG: and the next thing i knew i had typed it and pressed send!  
TG: fuck dirk ANSWER mE!!!

You narrow your eyes at your blonde friend's messages skeptically. These awfully look like it's sent while Lalonde's been drunk out of her mind. Still, as you reached the doorstep of your apartment, you answer her messages to find out what's her deal.  
  
TT: Jegus fucking christ, Rox, what kind of hardcore liquor did you drank this time? You seem pretty smashed.  
TG: i aint drunk dipshit!!  
TG: i ruined things big time.. but pls DON'T GO HOME right now

Too late, before you could even type out a reply, the front door of your apartment's slammed open. You realize that you haven't even had the chance to knock on it, yet it seemed that Caliborn had known that you were just outside.  
  
You almost drop your phone out of surprise, but that didn't stop the growing fear rising in your gut as you see him for the first time again in hours.  
  
Caliborn's red-brown eyes were sharp and piercing as he looks down to glare at you, filled with the brewing storm that is yet to come. His whole face contorted into a nasty scowl and his arms look like he's been itching to smash someone's face into the nearest wall.  
  
You have a feeling that said someone's face will be yours.

"Caliborn, what -"

"Don't you act so stupid on me now, Dirk." Caliborn lashed out then he reaches for your pale hair before dragging you inside. The move caught you off guard that you didn't even have the time to hiss in pain.

Then the next thing you know is that his fist collides with your jaw.

You momentarily black out, you fall onto the hard floor without much finesse. You already feel the coppery taste of blood coming from your mouth.

"How dare you fucking cheat on me, you asshole! I thought you're mine and _mine_ only!" you somehow manage to hear from him, as your ears start to ring.

Confusion and pain from Caliborn's blow fill up your head, making another wave dizziness of surge to your brain. You don't understand what's happening.  
  
"But... I didn't -" you start, but then it is cut off by Caliborn's boot kicking onto your gut. Then his big hands reach to your neck and fucking _squeezes_ , cutting off the oxygen coming to your lungs. You can't help but cry out, flailing away from him like a fish out of water, all to no avail for Caliborn's still far stronger than you.  
  
"Stop hiding it from me, that bitch Lalonde already told me. That English boytoy of yours took you out on a fucking _date._ You lied to me, Dirky, you said you'll only go as friends. I should've known that you'd actually want that much attention to every boy you lay your eyes on you."  
  
"It wasn't," you try to plead as he continues to strangle you. "I swear, please -"

"NO MORE LIES!" he screams in your face. "Am I not good enough for you? I thought you love me, Dirk. Well, I guess I should just remind you how much you should _love_ me."  
  
Much to your relief, he lets go of your neck, you immediately gasp for air, at the same time coughing up blood onto the carpet. He goes away for a moment, long enough that you actually think that he's finally done with you for the rest of the night. But he proves you wrong when you feel something cold and metallic pressed up against the back of your head.  
  
Then your blood runs cold as you hear Caliborn cocking the hammer of the gun. "Strip," he says.

You pause for a moment, somewhat incredulous of his command. But then you hear him continue, "Don't make me say it twice, Dirky. Or rather, don't make me fucking pull the trigger for your insolence."

You didn't even bother to stop the sob that's escaping its way from your throat as you do what he says.

Once you've removed the last article of clothing from you (including your shades), you wait in silence and fear for his next order. And even though he's behind you, you could practically feel his gaze raking up and down onto your bare body. Never you've been embarrassed or conscious of him seeing you naked, but right now you just want to recoil from him and his unending stare.  
  
You almost jump when you feel his calloused fingers sliding down to your spine, you shiver in the soft yet unwanted touch. He still has the gun pointed in your head when he pushes you down forcefully into the ground, making you bend down for all of him to see.

Feeling him crouch behind you, you flinch when he suddenly bites at your shoulder, hard enough for it to draw blood. You could already feel the salt burning in your eyes when you sense his already hard dick lining at your entrance.  _'Oh god, he wouldn't dare do it dry -'_

Your thoughts are put into a stop the moment he says something from above you.

"Let me remind you who you truly belong to, slut."

* * *

Once he's done with you, he lets you dress up first (but he doesn't give back your shades) before throwing you out of your apartment. He doesn't even bother giving you the rest of your stuff before saying, "This relationship is over, I don't want to have fucking dirty sluts in my apartment ever again."

And then he slams the door on you.

* * *

Your name is Jake English and you really feel bad for leaving Dirk just like that in front of his apartment building. Because really, you should have at least said sorry or offered to accompany him to his apartment door.  
  
But what can you do now, other than to feel miserable for maybe the rest of your life?  
  
You're halfway tempted to talk to Jane about what happened, about your initial stupidity. But then you disregard the idea, thinking that you guess you'd want more to be left alone.  
  
You had just entered your cozy old house. Although admittedly, It has been your grandma's for several years, but when she got sick, you can't afford to leave the house anymore and get a place of your won. This had been your home for as along as you can remember, and it mostly will be for the rest of it.  
  
"Grandma, I'm home." you call out as you enter the living room.

You don't really expect an answer from her, given how weak she always is due to her age and sickness. Maybe she's fallen asleep long ago, not that that's surprising also.

What's surprising, however, is what happens next.

Your telephone landline rings all of a sudden, almost making you yelp in surprise. You stop in your tracks, confused. You have refrained from giving out your landline number since you've stopped college.  
  
Because one, the telephone is old as fuck. Two, you can't afford the loud ringing inside the house because it might stress your grandma even further (and it's not like your always inside the house when the phone might ring you're always busy with work back then and you can't answer it when that happens). And three, you've stopped socializing with others because you need to focus on, again, work to keep you and grandma alive.

So yeah, in short, that phone hasn't rung for  _years._  
  
Until now.

You don't remember that much people that you gave your landline number before you stopped for good, not even Jane since you met her more recently. But that doesn't stop you from going up to the phone and answer it, pulling the receiver to your ear. "Hello?" you mumble to it.  
  
"... Jake?"

You instantly go rigid as you heard the voice coming from the speaker.  
  
"Dirk?" you reply, incredulous and somewhat worried.

"Oh, good, your old phone still works..." he croaks out, then he laughs softly without mirth in it. "Who knew, right?"

Maybe... maybe he wants to talk about what you did? Shit, if he does then there's nothing you could do but fess up for good.

"What -"

"Listen," he stops you, sounding tired as hell even just on the phone. "I - can I just... stay for a while in your house?" A ragged breath, then a sniffle. "Please?"  
  
He awfully sounds like someone who's about to cry and you already feel your chest tighten in sympathy. _'_ _What the hell even happened?'_

"Of course, Dirk, you're more than welcome to. But can you tell me what happened?"

For a moment, Dirk doesn't answer, making you grow even more concerned. Seconds of silence later, he finally answers, "I promise, I'll explain later. I take it that you still live in your old house?"

"Well, yes. Do you want me to come and -"

"I'll go by myself, but thanks for asking."

And then the line goes dead, he doesn't even say goodbye, or rather, he doesn't even let _you_ say goodbye. This is puzzling you more and more by the minute.

Other than your confusion, you can't help but feel more agitated. Why would Dirk call you on such short notice? And why would he even ask to stay at your place when you perfectly know that he already has an apartment with his boyfriend?

His boyfriend.

A wave of protectiveness surges to your chest as you remember the way that fucking Caliborn had grabbed Dirk's wrist forcefully back when you first met him.  
  
This is nothing good at all.

As much as you want to check on your grandma, you end up pacing back and forth as you fret more about Dirk in the living room for the next ten minutes. It's not like you could find him at this time of the night, the thing you could actually do is wait for him to get here.  
  
The door bell rings ten more minutes later and you hurry your way to the front door, faster than you really intend to. But fuck it, this is about Dirk. You open the door and then you see him.  
  
But it's not what you're expecting.

You certainly did not expect for Dirk to be sporting several bruises on his face, especially the one on his jaw that looks fresher than the others. You didn't expect for him his eyes to be shadeless and bloodshot. You didn't expect to see another ring of a bruise down around his neck. You certainly didn't expect him to limp his way inside your house.  
  
He goes to the nearest couch and sits there, shoulders hunched and arms wrapped around himself.

You don't even bother with saying hi, your anger is way into depth when your next words come out from your mouth.  
  
"Did _he_ do this?" you mutter darkly. The room is quiet enough for him to hear, and he goes tenser when he does.  
  
You slam the door in your growing fury and you notice him flinching at it. Yes, you're fucking angry, though you're sure that it's not with Dirk, but rather on the person who even fucking dared to do _this_ to him.  
  
Then you walk towards to where he is, proceeding to kneel in front of him. His eyes won't meet yours as you try to look at them, you see that they are so watery with the tears rimming them. Your heart just aches on how those beautiful orange orbs were filled with pain, sadness, but most all, fear.

Anger for Caliborn flares into your chest, but you try to save that for later. Instead, you choose to focus more towards the person that needs you the most right now.  
  
You hold out one of your hands to cup his left cheeks, mindful not to press hardly because of the bruises. "Did he do this?" you ask once again, albeit this time, more softly.

He then starts to tremble when he replies with only a feeble nod.

"I'm gonna kill him for this." you threaten with a whisper.

"You know, you don't have to say that." he mutters under his breath, his voice small and almost inaudible but you still catch it all the same.

"But I want to," you insisted. "you don't deserve any of this."  
  
He doesn't answer for the next handful of seconds. As silence dawns in the whole living room, you remember once when you were eight years old when those bullies had tried to hurt Dirk. You remember when you tried to protect him, always taking their mean punches for him, just so that you don't get the chance see him get beaten.  
  
But then here you are, seeing him in pain and broken.

"I'm not going to let him hurt you anymore," you vow not only to yourself but also to this man who you've loved for as long as you can remember. You could never afford to see him this way ever gain.

You pull him closer to you to plant a soft kiss into his temple, and that does it, the first tear slides its way from his cheek.

He cries even further when you pull him into a tight embrace, wrapping your arms around his shaking form, his head resting in the crook of your shoulder.

Your name is Jake English and you swear to every goddamn deity in this world that you'll try to fix him.


	11. When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some domestic fluff, I guess?

Dirk passes out from exhaustion in your bed.

Your name is Jake English and you highly doubt that you'll be having much sleep tonight.

After spending the last fifteen minutes with Dirk crying his eyes out and eventually falling to sleep in your chest, you then carried him to your bedroom so that he could sleep in peace You tuck him up under the mountain of blankets, remembering too damn well how he gets so cold very easily.

Back when the both of you were younger, there were times that's almost exactly like this. Whenever one of you has a fallout, miserable and helpless, the other would carefully tuck the other to bed. Like a mother would do for her child; like a sibling would do with their younger ones; like a friend would do for a friend.

And then after that, one of you would join the other on the bed, to provide comfort and solace as you sleep in each other's arms.

Like a person would do for their lover.

A gesture that almost seemed so innocent back then, but you know within yourself that it's much more than that. You recall how much the depths that you'd do for Dirk, and how he's willing to return it you all the same.

Right now as you look at his unconscious form, you're not sure whether or not you'll join him like you did in the old times. It feels like you're invading, somewhat, what's left of Dirk and his boundaries and his need for space. You're aware how much he wouldn't like the physical contact due to what Caliborn's done to him.

Yet at the same time, you want to hold him close, itching for the slightest touch, let him know that everything's going to be okay even though they aren't.

Because seriously, what other choice do you have?

Eventually, you decide to pick the former decision and leave the blond be for the rest of the night. You guess you'll have to deal with the current issue about Dirk and Caliborn tomorrow morning. You then get a spare blanket and pillow for yourself from the wardrobe and crash your way to the sofa in the living room.

As comfy as your old sofa could get, you still toss and turn as your mind runs the series of 'what-if's' that could happen if you let your eyes close. If you let even the slightest of winks get you and catch some sleep.

Because if you so much fell asleep, you'd be useless and wouldn’t be much help to Dirk when he needs you.

God, you hate this. You hate not being able to help him. You hate that you let this happen to him.

Groaning inwardly to yourself, you curse the universe of your dilemma. You merely want the whole world to give you some peace and let you fucking sleep.

But you _can't,_ not when Dirk's hurt.

* * *

You're not sure what time you fell asleep, but when you wake up, you still feel like you've been robbed off your slumber. In short, you feel like shit.

However, that didn't stop you from rising from the couch and immediately check your guest upstairs. You make your way to the stairs to the second floor. Once you've finished with the steps, you turn to your left and knock on the door to your room. You enter it, closing the door behind you as gently as possible. But you instantly freeze when you see the bed empty and made.

Your first line of thought is, 'Was it all just a dream?' But then you shake away that thought, deeming it irrational and stupid. You're sure that Dirk was here last night.

Maybe he just left so soon? Although the idea of Dirk leaving you again without even waking you up to say goodbye hurt like a bitch.

After that, you choose not to let your damn thoughts get to you and focus on what matters most as of now, which is finding Dirk. You then exit your bedroom and went downstairs - of course, not without checking on your grandma first. Good thing that she’s alright. And that’s when you heard it.

The sound of something sizzling coming from the kitchen.

You immediately search the source of it and you find yourself gaping in surprise when you see none other than Dirk Strider in your own kitchen, standing in front of the stove. His back onto you, his left hand clutching a stainless steel spatula and the other the handle of the frying pan. He seems to be cooking what awfully looks like fresh bacon.

 _‘Shit, that smells so damn nice,’_ you can’t help but think as your stomach agrees with you, clenching on itself due to hunger. 

Then you start trudging towards him, he doesn’t seem to notice you when he continues to cook the food. The moment you’re close enough to him, you suck in a huge breath and mutter, “So it wasn’t just a dream…”

With that, Dirk flinches so hard and almost whips you with the spatula. Fortunately, you have good enough reflexes to dodge the offending kitchenware. You hold up your hand in front of him. “Wait, it’s just me! Geez, do you honestly have to smack your host first thing in the morning?”

The blond freezes at the sight of you, his orange eyes shine with disbelief and shock. Not a moment later, he regains his composure and continues flipping the bacon. “You’re awake,” he then comments. 

“Yeah,” you agree. “I thought you were gone.”

You hear him snort softly. “That wouldn’t be the politest thing now, would it?”

“I’m afraid not. But - I dunno, given the circumstances, I was afraid that you might not want to face me?” you deduce, you’re not sure if that’s the actual case, but you want to remain truthful to him as much as possible. After all, this is Dirk you’re talking to. 

“You’re right, I don’t want to…” he pauses for a bit. Then not long enough, he adds, “But I have to.”

“It’s alright if you don’t tell me anything. It’s your business.”

“That’s not the case, Jake.” he insists, grabbing a plate from the drawer on his left. Huh, after all these years, he still knows where the things are placed. He then puts the deliciously cooked strips of bacon on the white ceramic. “I’ve been hiding a shit ton of stuff from you, that’s not how best friends work, last time I heard.”

You heart nearly leaps when you heard the words ‘best friends,’ you’re glad that he still sees you as that. Yet somehow, it also gives you a slight ache in your chest because of the possibility that you could never be more than that.

“I see…” you say awkwardly. “So, do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles before heading towards the fridge and grabbing some eggs inside it. He continues as he cracks one of them and starts cooking it in the pan. “But not before we’ve had something to eat first.”

Breakfast is leagues better when you share it with someone. All throughout the years, your grandma has stopped eating breakfast with you on the dining table since she’s bedridden. After getting your grandma something to eat upstairs, you and Dirk decide to start munching your own food.

The two of you eat in silence, a silence that’s more awkward than you’ll ever give credit for, but you guess you could cope with it. Although, there was a few exchange of words with him through the course of breakfast.

_(‘The bacon was great.’_

_‘Thanks, I’ve learned to master it a long time ago because of him. He likes it when I serve him dutifully.’)_

After eating, you volunteer to clean the dishes since it’s the least that you could do for him cooking your morning meal. Once that’s done as well, you both end up sitting in front of each other with the tense atmosphere continuing to invade the room.

Minutes of thinking go by, then you decide to finally mention the elephant in the room.

“So, I take it that Caliborn is an abusive sack of shit?” you almost flinch on how blunt you said those words to him.

You almost flinch even harder when he meets your gaze with the most dead-serious eyes you’ve ever seen on him, “Yes.”

You now have a sickening feeling in your gut. “How long?”

With that question, Dirk turns his head away from you, avoiding your eyes. Another moment of silence passes, then he answers, “Two and half years, give and take.”

And now you want to vomit. “God, Dirk.” you choke up. “I’m s -”

“Don’t you dare say it, you idiot,” he snaps right back at you, glaring. Well, at least he’s now looking at you. “It’s not your fault, none of it was. I was just stupid enough to not leave him.”

“Well, why didn’t you?”

Dirk’s back to resolutely not looking to you. You catch sight of his face flaring pink in shame. “I thought… I thought that he loved me. That I deserve him, that he was the only thing I needed. But then it became too much. I realized too late that I was wrong. He already fucked me up, several times, different times.”

You see him clenching his fists on the tabletop. “It hurt.”

Both hands are trembling as he does so.

“It hurt a lot.”

You find yourself reaching forward and taking his hands, intertwining them with your own. He seems to relax a fraction with it.

“It doesn’t have to anymore,” you say to him, soothingly, reassuringly. “I’m here, I’m not gonna let that happen. I swear that.”

“I see you’re playing the knight in shining armor card again, as always.” Dirk smiles softly at that. “Does this have something to do with your supposed kiss after that date?”

Your breath catches in your throat as he says it. “I guess there’s no point in denying it anymore.”

“Why me, though? Why not Jane? Or any other girl? Why still me when I was taken?”

As much as you want to scream at him already, make him see just exactly _why_ you want him and only him, still, you try to be as level-headed as possible. So instead, you answer him, soft and gentle. “Because you’ve always been the first. I don’t want any other person but you.”

He lets out a chuckle at that, looking at you in a fond way. “You truly are a hopeless romantic.”

“Only for you,” you smile a little at him, shy and nervous.

“You’re an idiot.” he rolls his eyes half-heartedly, a playful, small smirk going it’s way to his lips. So you stand from your chair, walk up to him and plant a quick, chaste kiss on one of his bruised cheeks.

“Only for you.”

* * *

After that, you and Dirk establish a little negotiation between the two of you, albeit subconsciously since it wasn’t said out loud officially. It just… happened, but given how things are with you two, you think that all is well and Dirk knows and wants it just as much.

After what happened on that breakfast, starting then, you’ll go to work and you’ll come home with him having prepared dinner just for you, him and your grandma.

“It’s the least that I could do, after all, I’m just staying here temporarily.”

You want to hug him, hold him in your arms, clutch him and wish that he never leaves.

_‘You could stay here forever for all I care.’_

Days in and the two of you become much more intimate and physically touchy with each other. Whenever you’re both sitting on the couch, your sides would meet, leaning against one another. Whenever you’re eating together, you’ll hold hands under the table. It’s not later that Dirk then asks you to share the bed with him.

“Since I know that you don’t want to take bed privileges, at the same time I don’t want to keep you out of your own bed any longer, I think I know a way to solve both problems.”

That night you both share the bed, you bless the day you picked this particular bed because it’s pretty spacious for one person, but if two people share it together, it’d be cramped. And now, you’re actually sharing it with _Dirk_.

The blond doesn’t even hesitate to wriggle his way close to you, resting his head on your shoulder. After moments of hesitation, you eventually wrap your arms around his waist, tucking him close while you feel his relaxed breathing on the hollow of your neck.

 _’I love you.’_ you think to yourself as you drift into sleep.

Weeks in and you finally say those words to him for real, but not before kissing him full on the lips for the first time in your entire life.

It had been just like you imagined, awkward and inexperienced, but perfect all the same. When you wring your arm around his waist and his hands gripping your shoulder until his knuckles turn white. _’Yes,’_ you can’t help but think. Because this is all that you wanted for almost seven years now.

You’ve always wanted this, to show him how much he means to you. How much you want to shower him with affection, with sweet kisses and the love that he truly deserves.

“I love you too,” Dirk breaths in as you both break apart, but still wanting, _needing_ for more. “I’m sorry I had to realize it so late.”

“Well, took you long enough,” you chuckled.

You two would kiss a whole lot more after that. You two would kiss in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the dining room, in the living room. You two would kiss in between hours, half-hours, sometimes even minutes, seconds.

You two would kiss.

And it’s the greatest thing you could ever have, loving Dirk and you knowing that he loves you in return.

_Finally._

* * *

A few more days pass and it’s not long before you and Dirk are reminded of the world that is still revolving outside the two of you.

It’s true that you’ve been going outside the house because of your work, but currently, you’re not socializing too much with your friends, much less anyone. You’re lucky enough that Jane gets it when you need space, she really is the best friend there is.

Dirk’s case is even worse, he still hasn’t set foot outside the house since he got there and since he left his phone back at his apartment, he hasn’t bothered to talk to anyone as well.

It happens when Dirk is taking a shower in the bathroom upstairs, you hear a sudden _ping!_ coming from your phone. You answer it with hesitance, but when you saw that it’s your Pesterchum app that’s notified you, you open the message and lines of bubblegum pink text immediately flood the screen.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 20:33 --

TG: god farking dammitn... . . ... .. . ive been such an IDIOT!!!  
TG: jake  
TG: JAKEEE  
TG: jake x bazillion times  
TG: pls answer me :(((  
GT: Good morning to you too roxy.  
TG: oh thank gudness. finally!  
GT: May i ask, erm, what do you want?  
TG: don’t play coy w/ me mister. u damn well know what i want...  
TG: wers dirk??  
TG: is he with u? have you been hiding him???  
TG: i cant contact him for days now,,he wont reply to my texts or anwser my calls.. its making me crazy!!!  
TG: *answer gdi  
GT: Calm down roxy, and yes dirk is here with me. Hes currently staying at my old house, he left hes phone back on his apartment so thats why he cant contact.  
TG: well at least I know that hes not lying somewhere in a ditch..  
TG: ghad, did u know that I fucked up big time with him jake? i was the FVCKING REASON why hes in deep shit with caliborn  
GT: You mean why he kicked Dirk out of his own apartment?  
TG: jegus fucking schrist don’t remind me  
TG: its just - im such a terrible friend ;-;  
TG: calliope told me that hell come around eventually.. but i know he has every right to be mad at me  
GT: Don’t worry roxy, im sure that dirk will forgive you eventually if ever he really will be mad at you. But just so you know, i myself am personally one to blame as well.  
GT: I mean - if i hadnt taken him out, maybe he would…

“What're doing?”

You startle as Dirk asks from the living room entrance. Cripes, you didn’t realize that he’s done with his awfully long shower. He then walks up to you, joining you on the couch as he wraps his arms around your middle, head resting on your broad chest. You take the time to burying your nose in his styled hair, it smells like your shampoo. You can’t help but grin.

“I’m talking to Roxy.”

“Oh?” you see him raising an eyebrow. “What does she want?”

“She wanted to know where you are.”

He seems to pause for a moment, before replying, “Tell her I’m currently staying at my new boyfriend’s house.”

Your heart swells with the word usage. _’Boyfriend.’_ Just thinking about it sends a weird feeling in your gut, weird, but in a good way. Actually, in an _amazing_ way.

God, you just love him so much.

Grinning widely to yourself, you turn your attention back towards the screen of your phone. 

TG: no  
TG: nonoNONOno  
TG: dun u dare say that english >:(  
TG: like come on, seriosuly?? youre most probably the reason why dirks happy most of the time!!  
TG: theres a reason why i asked YOU to take him out.. its not only because i knew he wont say no to you, but i also knew that it would work on cheering him up.. bc I KNOW that youre important to him just as much as he is important to you  
TG: so don’t u dare say that its your fault when youre the person that he deserves the most  
GT: Okay, then believe me when i say that you are also not to blame about what happened. Youre a great friend roxy, i cant think of anyone whos more dedicated in making him happy.  
GT: So stop beating yourself too much okay?  
TG: ... okay fine, ill stop  
TG: can i talk to him?

You ask Dirk about Roxy’s request. Dirk’s expression went grim, his body growing tense against you. “I don’t want to talk to anyone for the moment.”

“You’re talking to me,” you grin, teasing. You could feel Dirk rolling his eyes.

“You know what I mean, asshole.”

“Are you mad at her?” you then ask, anxious all of a sudden.

The blond shakes his head, “Not really, I don’t blame her for slipping out to Caliborn. But - I don’t think I’m ready for dealing with anyone yet. I just want to relish my time with you,” he then cranes his head to lay soft kisses across your neck, you shiver under his ministrations. “I want to make up for the wasted time where we could have done so much more.”

He takes advantage of you getting distracted, and slips your phone away from your fingers, putting it on the coffee table.

“Diiirk,” you whine, then pouting at him. “I was talking to Roxy.”

“Screw Roxy,” Dirk scoffed before looking at you with mischievous eyes and a knowing smirk. “Screw me instead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next: ;) ;) ;)


	12. Could it be worse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up where we left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm hardly the best author to write sex scenes. So if you think that the first scene for this chapter was awkward or there's something off about how it's written, I won't be offended bc you're probably right lmao.
> 
> Also, I'd like to apologize for my long absence. I know I suck for that. And hopefully, I could finish this fic before the month ends (considering that there are only two chapters left). But... yeah, that might only be a _possibility_ (considering how long it took me to update since the last chap). I'll still try my best, though.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy :)

Jake blinks at you, a look of disbelief and surprise written on his face. “Dirk, a - are you sure?”

Your name is Dirk Strider and you’ve never been more sure about anything in your entire life.

You meet Jake’s gaze and you feel your heart clench as you look straight into his forest green eyes, full of hesitance and worry. 

In return, you level him with your own determined stare. “You may be wondering, what if I’m still not ready, with what Caliborn had done. You’re thinking that what if you’ll just hurt me all over again…”

Without wasting any second, you pull Jake closer, lacing your arms around his neck. Despite his baffled expression, he still complies and leans closer to you until your chests are flushed together. You both lay on the couch, with him on top of you. But you tug him even close and crush your mouths with a deep kiss.

When you both part, you smile to him, soft and somewhat nervous yourself. “Don’t worry,” you whisper. “I’ll be fine.”

Another kiss. This time, more passionate, more _intense._

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve been wanting this,” you tell him as you start to roll your hips, grinding against him. It’s true, Jake _did_ became your crush when you’re a teenager. And sometimes, your thoughts about him weren’t quite innocent back then.

Jake groans above you, you can’t help but grin, counting this as a victory. “God, Dirk, me too. Shit, I’ve always - I’ve always wanted this.”

“They why still hesitate?”

The two of you return to kissing with that. Both of you feverish and desperate, needing for touch, for contact, for _more._ Seconds later, you two break the kiss again, panting for air. Before you could even tug him close for another kiss, Jake makes a beeline to your jaw, planting a map of kisses from where it meets your neck.

You let out a quiet groan of pleasure when he nibbles at the soft and pale flesh, sucking your neck like a starved wolf. He hands wander across your arms and torso, sliding under your shirt and you immediately feel his calloused fingers running on your skin. Your moans only heightened when he bites your ear, shivering when he whispers, oh so lovingly, “God, I love you.”

Three words.

Three words and it almost makes you want to cry.

It’s never like that with Caliborn. When he’d say it, it’s almost a translates for _‘I’m owning you. You’re mine, whore.’_ And you don’t even know what sickens you more, the fact that he’ll only ever seen you as some piece of meat to fuck, or the fact that whenever he said that, you’d always reply with an _‘I love you too.’_

Jake must’ve noticed your sudden quietness. He stops with his ministrations at once before leaning back to loo at you more clearly. He frowns, eyes furrowing with worry. “Dirk, are you alright?”

You don’t answer him, instead you surge forward to meet him with another kiss, giving him all the raw passion and emotion you could ever provide. You want to project everything you want to say yet never could to him. All the things you want to whisper, to scream. All of it in one kiss, and hopefully, for the many kisses to come.

“I think we should take this upstairs.”

_Yes, I’m alright. Please, do continue._

Fifty-three blurry seconds later and you now lay in Jake’s bed, one of your leg hiking up to his waist. You bite at Jake’s bottom lip, earning a soft growl from him, clearly aroused. He then tugs at your shirt, taking it off, breaking the kiss for only half a second to take the article of clothing away. You did the same with Jake’s, then your hands search for his belt.

_Take me._

Jake trails your body with kisses again, this time heading down towards your chest. He sucks at your collarbone and you arch your back, your hands quickening its pace to strip Jake’s khakis. He mouth, his hands, his eyes, they all wonder in your body, with both hunger and affection all at the same time, and you could feel every single second of it. You bask in every single second of it.

He’s marking you, with touch and teeth. And you just love every single second of it.

_This is all I could ever want._

Your hand tugs at his dick, half-way hard and he lets out a whine that could’ve sounded pathetic to other people. But to you, it’s just endearing. You take off your jeans as well, and you both proceeded to grind your dicks together. In between moans and grunts, he doesn’t refrain from covering you with a thousand sweet kisses. And yes, this is exactly what you want.

_Erase him. Remove his marks, his kisses, his presence, and replace them, cover them with your own._

He gets some lube and a condom from his bedside drawer, and if your mind weren’t so clouded with lust right now, you would’ve chuckled at how dorky he was to be too prepared for something like this. Your mind then fills with even more desire when Jake bites at your shoulder at the same time entering your hole with a finger.

However, you became rigid for a fleeting second, Jake interprets it for discomfort from the coldness of the lube. When in reality, you instantly remember of the way Caliborn fucked you into the floor that night without any preparation at all. Jake gives you a few more seconds to adjust before thrusting the finger in and out from your entrance.

He adds another finger and in less that a minute, when he crooks his fingers and touches _right there_ , you cry out, almost loud enough that Jake’s grandma from the room across the hallway would hear. 

_Cleanse me, heal me, get rid of him from me._

His other hand going to your flaccid dick, pumping it as he continues to thrust, deftly adding another finger. And you are just too far gone to even care about all the noise you’re making.

You don’t even realized that he’s already lining up his hard cock to your hole and you feel yourself twitching in anticipation. He goes down in to you and the two of you moan in unison, both getting too deep, too buried into pleasure and ecstasy.

Jake then rocks back, pulling his cock out before thrusting all of it inside you again. He does that, twice, thrice. He does it over and over again, until you both eventually establish a rhythm to follow. He fucks you into the mattress, hard and fast. He leans down to give you a quick kiss again, and just you tremble under his touch.

His touch that only you could ever have.

_Please, don’t stop._

“J-Jake, please… I’m gonna - ”

“Yeah, go ahead, love, no one’s stopping you.”

_Never stop._

Once you’ve both finished, you both proceed to lay down on the bed, close to each other, with his arm around your waist and your head atop his bare chest. Then he kisses you, for the final time that night, on the crown of your head. And you hear him say, with a tired voice, “You’re perfect, Dirk. Fuck, that was perfect.”

You only nuzzle your face to his chest and he pulls you even closer to him. You feel yourself grinning wide. Of course, he’d say that. Because this is Jake, the dork you have fallen for, all those years. And the feeling of your smile across his skin is enough for him to know that _he’s_ perfect for you too.

It’s not a while before you both fall into dreamless sleep, into each other’s arms, like it has always been.

_I love you too._

* * *

When you finally wake up, you smile to yourself. And although you remain to feel disoriented and groggy, you can’t help but feel elated with what just happened. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, this is the first time in a very long time that you’ve felt so much at peace.

Most times, when you were with Caliborn and whenever you wake up next to him, you can’t help but dread first thing in the morning for what next reason will he dig up just so he could land another punch on your face.

But with Jake, it's miles different. So different that if you’d go back in time and tell your past self that you’ll actually have a chance to be with something this perfect, then your asshole past-self would simply laugh at you. Of course, because you’d never expected that things will end this way.

When you had sex with him for the first time in your life, it had been different. So, _so_ different from what it was from before. Because with Caliborn, it had always been a matter of dominance and possessiveness. With Jake, it’s for sincere affection and intimacy and love.

It’s just so new to you, it’s overwhelming. And you want more of it, more than anything.

You notice the Jake still hasn’t woken up yet, much to your relief. So instead of going back to sleep, you take a good time on studying him and his sleeping form. You see that his black hair tousled and in messy tangles, you want it so badly, to submit to the urge of carding your fingers through them. You see his tanned skin, you also want to trace patterns on it. You see his broad, muscled arms, you crave just how much you want to stay in his arms forever.

You sigh to yourself, _‘what did you even do to deserve him?’_

You know you should’ve stopped right then and there. But that thought grows in your mind.

Despite the fun that you had mere hours ago, you can’t help but feel the guilt sinking into your gut. You’ll admit, it’s kind of irrational, still, you can’t felt but think that it’s as if you’re merely using him. Using him and toying with his heart and emotions. Given how much of a fucked up person Caliborn made you to be, you can’t help but fear that one day, you’ll fuck it all up and he’ll regret everything.

If so much he’d find out that you weren’t really worth it in the first place, he’ll regret it, for not seeing just how much of a disgusting piece of shit you truly are. And he’ll get mad at you, for not having to tell him sooner.

He’ll regret it. 

_(Yeah, that’s right.. Mmmhm, cum for me, you dirty slut.)_

He’ll regret sleeping with you.

_(What’s wrong with you, Dirky? You kiss like a fucking girl.)_

He’ll regret kissing you.

_(Tell me, you’re mine, Dirk)_

He’ll regret loving you.

_(Mine, and mine only.)_

Way to go, Strider, first good thing that ever happened to you and you destroy it almost immediately with your own self-destructive self, you thought to yourself bitterly.

God, you’re just pathetic.

This is the first time you’ve ever doubted this, being with Jake. Although it’s not that surprising, to be honest, sooner or later you’ll eventually start to overthink about a shit ton of things at the worst times possible.

You really need to settle your shit.

You didn’t even notice that Jake’s phone was vibrating hard at the bedside drawer. You sit up and reach for it. Looks like someone is calling. The screen shows an unknown number, and you let your curiosity get to you, so you answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Guess what, motherfu - wait, holy shit,” you hear the caller cackle. And you immediately feel dread tracing up your spine.

You’ll know that demeaning laugh everywhere.

“Dirk?” Caliborn’s voice is clear as daylight when you heard it from the speakers. “Fuck, it is you. God, you make it too fucking easy, babe”

He continues to laugh, maniacal as ever. You grit your teeth and immediately end the fucking call. This is the last thing you’ll ever need, given how great things with Jake are going so far.

However, that didn’t seem to stop the asshole. A series of messages then starts to flood on the notification section of Jake’s phone.

Unknown Number: DIIIIIIIIIIRK, COME BACK TO ME. I WANNA TALK TO YOu, YOu SACK OF HORSESHIT.

Unknown Number: STOP HIDING BEHIND THAT NO GOOD JAKE ENGLISH, DEAR. OR I SWEAR I’LL FuCKING BREAK HIS ARMS IF I EVER FIND OuT WHERE THAT MAN WHORE ACTuALLY LIVES.

Unknown Number: DON’T TELL ME, YOu’VE ALREADY BECOME HIS BITCH, DIRKY. I BET YOu’VE ALREADY FuCKED HIM DOWN TO THE MATTRESS. OR WAIT - WAS IT HIM FuCKING YOu?

Unknown Number: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I SHOuLD’VE KNOWN. DIRK STRIDER, BLOND LITTLE TWINK, ALWAYS WANTING FOR A COCK TO FuCK HIS PuNY TIGHT ASS. WHAT A FuCKING JOKE!

Unknown Number: I’M SURPRISED THAT IT EVEN TOOK ME THIS LONG TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOu AGAIN. MY QuEST WOuLD HAVE TO HAVE EXTRA MEANS. I EVEN THREATENED MY BITCH OF A SISTER THAT I’D RAPE HER GIRLFRIEND IN FRONT OF HER IF SHE DIDN’T GAVE ME YOuR LITTLE BOYTOY’S NuMBER.

Unknown Number: AND GuESS WHAT, I WAS RIGHT! YOu WERE HIDING BEHIND THAT JAPE ENGLISH! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Unknown Number: I HIGHLY SuGGEST THAT YOu LEAVE THAT ENGLISH FUCKER. COME ON, WE BOTH KNOW THAT I’M SO MuCH BETTER THAN HIM WHEN IT COMES TO FuCKING YOu.

Unknown Number: I BET HE DIDN’T EVEN HAD THE GuTS TO LEAVE A BRuISE OR TO BITE DOWN uNTIL YOU BLEED TO PROVE JuST HOW MUCH OF A BRANDED COW YOu REALLY ARE.

Unknown Number: I BET HE DOESN’T HAVE IT IN HIMSELF TO FuCK YOU DRY LIKE I DID THAT NIGHT WHEN I KICKED YOu OUT OF THE APARTMENT. NOW, THAT AIN’T SO BAD, WASN’T IT?

Unknown Number: I KNOW YOu WANTED IT, DIRK. I KNOW YOu CRAVED SOME GOOD OLE ROuGH FuCKING FROM YOuRS TRuLY, JuST ADMIT IT, YOu LITTLE SLUT.

Unknown Number: WHORE.

Unknown Number: BITCH.

Unknown Number: CuMDuMPSTER.

Unknown Number: I COuLD GO ON ALL DAY IF YOu REFuSE TO ANSWER ME.

Unknown Number: COME BACK TO ME, PET.

You have no idea what compelled you to even continue to read Caliborn’s messages up to that point, but you’ve had enough with his bullshit. Without much finesse, you shut down Jake’s phone with clenched fists and a blurry vision. God, if only the gadget you’re holding is yours, you would’ve thrown it across the room seconds ago. So you didn’t, Jake has had enough to deal with your shit.

Then you try to get a hold of your bearings once more, even when there’s salt prickling your eyes, you don’t want to be weak and let him get under your skin. You draw a shaky breath and crawl your way from the bed.

Only to be stopped by an arm wringing around your waist.

“Stay,” Jake mumbles, half-asleep, and his words muffled by the covers. “Let’s just sleep a little more.”

“Don’t you have work to go to,” you reply, voice hoarse from crying. Jake must have noticed your miserable tone, so he suddenly sits up, turns you to face him. You resolutely look downward as you feel his green eyes on you, you can’t let him know that you were about to cry like a pathetic child.

However, that doesn’t stop him from cupping his hand on your cheek to make you look at him, you cringe, no doubt that Jake is currently seeing your wet-rimmed eyes.

“Hey,” Jake whispers, voice laced with concern that it almost makes you want to cry for good. You truly don’t deserve him. “What’s wrong, Dirk? Tell me, I can’t stand looking at you being sad or hurt again.”

“It’s -” you suppose there’s no point in lying to Jake, after all, he’d still see it on his own phone. “It’s _him._ God, it’s always him. Shit, I’m sorry, I -”

“Shhh, stop. Stop apologizing, this isn’t your fault. Just - fuck him, that’s what. He doesn’t have to ruin you or your life ever again, I’m here. I’m never leaving you again.”

You let out a breathy laugh, soft but one without much mirth. “But what if _I_ did.”

“Then, I’m never letting you go.”

“What if he gets me? What if he hurts you?”

“I won’t let him do any of that,” Jake mutters darkly.

“What if you’ll hate me?”

With that, he blinks, confused. “Dirk, I could never… What makes you think that?”

“He - he ruined me, Jake. I know it’s unfair that I’m only telling you this now, but I’m pretty much fucked up in ways you can never imagine. He did things…. horrible, horrible things that I - I can’t undo.”

The scars. The broken bones. The feeling of _his_ fingertips running through your body.

“I don’t care, Dirk,” Jake says with a determined look on his face. “Do you really think that I saved you from those bullies years ago because I didn’t like you? Do you think that I waited for you to come back, just to let you get away all over again? Do you think that I had sex with you because I only wanted you for your body?”

Even if that’s the case, he wouldn’t want your body. It’s too broken and disgusting.

But then he did. Last night.

So maybe -

“Believe me, I don’t care what he did. All I care about is you.”

Silence dawns over the two of you. A moment passes.

“…Jake,” you finally say.

“Yeah?”

“I love you?”

Jake smiles at you, genuine and sweet and it’s a smile that you could never, ever see on Caliborn. This is the biggest difference Jake has from Caliborn, Jake’s smile. It could never be cruel, cruel like _his,_ even if he tried. It’s always true, true, true.

“I love you too.”

True, like his love for you.

“Always?”

This caught Jake off guard for a moment, but with no further hesitation he replies, “I - yeah, always.”

You then kiss him, slow and chaste. It’s different from the burning and passionate ones you’ve given him hours earlier, but at the same time, it’s all too similar. It still conveys your feelings for him, feelings that has been inside you all along all those years.

You quickly forget Caliborn’s possibly continuous messages on Jake’s phone, you forget the self-destroying thoughts and the second guessing. At that moment, you stop being afraid again, because Jake returns the kiss as deeply as possible. And that’s when you know that maybe, just maybe, Jake wouldn’t have regrets in having you. That he’ll never leave you. That he’ll never let go.

After kissing, you both return to laying on the bed. You bury your face to his shoulder, breath in his scent. And as he circles his arms around you, you know that you are safe.

Safe from harm, safe from _him._


	13. When you're too in love to let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let Calliope's birthday celebration commence!!

Your name is Jake English and holy shit, it is _crowded_ in here.  
  
“Well, this wasn’t what I expected.” You murmur to Dirk’s ear as both of you take in the number of people partying at Roxy's beach house. “I never thought that Roxy invited so many people for Calliope’s birthday celebration.”  
  
Dirk shuffles more closely towards you, you note that he’s starting to get uncomfortable with the crowd. “That’s why she used their family beach house,” he shouts amidst the loud ringing of the music. “Since they can't afford to have any complaints from their apartment neighbors. And also… you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

Of course, it’s known that none of them wanted Caliborn to ruin anyone’s day, much less on a day where it’s special for Calliope.

“Eyyyyy!” A shout rings across the room. Seconds later, Roxy Lalonde herself emerges from the dancing crowd. There's a stereotypical red, paper, party cup in her hand, no doubt that it’s punch she’s drinking. And no doubt that the said punch is spiked with whatever Roxy found in their wine cabinet. “Well, if it isn’t for my favorite resident gay couple!”

Following her is the birthday girl, Calliope. She gives the two of you a sweet smile, before shouting. “I’m so glad that you were able to come! I had expected that you won’t, given your current circumstances with my twin brother.”

“It’s cool,” Dirk shrugs. “When you told us about the beach house and its distance between that asshole’s apartment, we thought that we can make an exception to go out tonight. Also, happy birthday. Here’s your present. Take it not only as a birthday present but also personal thanks for keeping my friend Roxy here sane most of the time.”

Roxy scoffs. “Puh-lease, I am _sane_  most of the time, and I do it on my own, for your information.”

As Calliope takes the present from Dirk, she gives Roxy a fond look. “Says the girl who I had a mini argument with regarding the amount of vodka we will take out from your mom’s cabinet.”

“Hey, it’s your special day, I want this to be fun and memorable!”

“Not when everyone is drunk out of their own minds, sweetie. Don’t worry, I still love you.” Calliope plants a chaste kiss on the blonde’s cheek.

“Ugh, gaaaaaaay.” Dirk drawls out, voice entirely monotonous.

Roxy gives him a pointed look. “Speak for yourself, young man, don’t even get me started with how you talked so much about Jake back then. Honestly, you and Jake were as equally gay as us, and the two of you weren’t even dating at that point!”

“No, we’re not!” You defend, blushing profusely.

“No offense, Jake,” Calliope comments in a fit of giggles.”But you and Dirk really had looked like dating even when you’re not.”

“Yeah,” Roxy agrees. “The mutual pining's a bit sickening at times, but for the most part, it’s the cutest shit ever.”

“Okay, fine. We got your point, the two of you can stop now.” Dirk mutters, his face also as red as a tomato.

“But still, we wanted to congratulate the two of you too. It’s about damn time you both got together. I was wondering when the two of you will ever _get_ it, you know? Hell, I even got bored enough to consider making bets with Callie about when you’ll be together.”

“Roxy,” you cut her off. Geez, this is becoming embarrassing. “We already know that we were a bunch of dumbasses for not realizing It any sooner. But you can’t really blame us, after all, Dirk was dating… well, you-know-him back then.”

“Jake, just because I dated an abusive sack of shit like Caliborn for almost two and half years, doesn’t mean I’ll cower in the mere mention of his name. I appreciate the sentiment, but you don’t have to make him our own special version of _Voldemort._ ” Dirk replies with a deadpanned look.

You chuckle nervously, you feel your face burn even more as you rub the back of your neck. “Sorry.”

"Nah, it’s fine,” He drops the serious look. His bright orange eyes staring at you, now filled with warmth. “I did tell you I appreciate that you care that much.”

He lets out a smile, small and shy, but genuine. And with the way he looks and smiles towards you, you can’t help but grin too. You smile at him, loving and true because it’s one of the things you’d like to do for the rest of your life.

“Ugh, even more gaaaaaaaaay.” Roxy calls out while Calliope laughs. Your face resorts to flushing once again. “See, this is exactly what I meant! Even with the two of you only staring at each other! God, the two of you are practically eye-fucking.”

“Fuck it, I need a drink,” Dirk mumbles and walks towards the punch. You follow him, leaving Calliope and Roxy laughing their asses out.

By the time you reach the kitchen with Dirk, he is getting fills two paper cups of probably-spiked punch. After handing one to you, he dunks his cup in one go.

“Woah, Dirk, slow down with the drinks. We’ve only been here for a couple of minutes.”

Dirk wipes his mouth with his hoodie’s sleeve, before pouring himself another round. “Well, we don’t intend to stay that very long anyway, right?”

"Yeah, it’s true. But that doesn’t mean that you can go around drinking at this pace. Is there something wrong?"

“You mean, other than Roxy taking a sadistic pleasure in embarrassing the two of us? I guess… I can’t help but feel a little paranoid.”

“But - ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I agreed to this, I know that I was even the one who proposed going out tonight. And believe me, I plan on having fun tonight. Still, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking for some godawful reason, what if our own _Voldemort_ gets to us?”

“We’ll just have to hope for the best. And even if he does, I won’t let him do anything bad, especially towards you.”

“Well, we both know who’s the over-protective one in this relationship.”

“Umm, should I stop?”

"Nah, not really. I kinda like it, to be honest."

You roll your eyes half-heartedly at him. “You are such a fucking dork.”

He leaned towards you to give your lips a soft kiss. “Only for you.”

* * *

You, for the most part, are actually enjoying the whole party. The flashing lights, the fun vibes you get from the people dancing beside you, the rush of adrenaline as well as the alcohol rushing through your mind and veins, the warmth of Dirk as you press him close against your own body.

Truth be told you never really are the best dancer there is. Same with Dirk, who’s practically a walking post most of the time. Both of you are so excruciatingly awkward together while trying to get in sync with the rhythm of the songs. Maybe Roxy even is trying to get a video of the two of you dorky dancing together (you hope she doesn’t, but you’re betting money that Roxy might if she had the chance).

Awkward dancing aside, as cheesy as you think it is, all that matters is that Dirk is right here in front of you, sacrificing his own dignity to dance and actually _be_  with you.

All that matters is Dirk, holding you with his own hands, soft and sweet; all that matters is Dirk, laughing and smiling, and you being the reason behind it.

And you think to yourself, _I can’t be any happier than this._

Hours pass and things go smoothly.

Of course, that is, until the shit that’s about to go down.

You don’t notice him. No, not at all. You have your back turned on him so you can’t really blame yourself for not knowing. You can’t know any better.

What you do notice is Dirk freezing against you. His whole form going rigid as a statue. His hands, which were resting on your shoulders, digging deep into your skin, hard enough that you almost feel afraid he will tear away the skin.

“Is there something wrong?” You immediately ask, concerned out of your mind.

In reply, he only trembles violently.

“Dirk…?” You search for his eyes. You only notice that they're staring at something. For the first time in months, you get to see that sight of absolute fear from him. You realize that Dirk’s looking directly behind you. So you did what every other person would’ve done.

You look back as well.

And there you see him.

Across the dance floor, far off the wall, is Caliborn himself. He looks laid back and calm, but despite the distance, you still catch the weird glint in his eyes when he sees that both you and Dirk had taken note of his unwanted presence. The moment he grins maliciously, you immediately stand your ground and shield yourself in front of Dirk.

Fuck, this is bad.

The bastard tilts his head in mock confusion, his annoying, smug smirk never leaving his face. After that, he makes a quick gesture, waves his hand towards the door noncommittedly. His eyes say it all: _Let’s deal with this outside, alone and quietly._

As much as you don’t want to deal with this asshole right now, you don’t want to forsake other people’s fun because of Caliborn. He’s ruined things enough as it is.

So you take a step towards him.

Only to be stopped by a firm hand grabbing your arm.

“What are you doing?!” Dirk hisses. “You must be insane if you’re thinking of actually entertaining him.”

“I’ll be fine. Let’s not risk ruining anyone’s night, they’re really enjoying the party. Just - go inform Roxy and Callie and call the cops, I’ll be outside and buy you some time.”

Dirk levels you with a steady yet worried look, he opens his mouth as if to contradict your  ~~ultimately shitty~~  plan, but then leaves in a rush to seek the two party hosts.

Once you’re left alone you look back again only to see that Caliborn is nowhere to be found. He must have gone to wait for you outside.

You take a deep breath and go outside too.

You meet with him at the front porch, with his bulky frame looming around darkly by the railing. You walk there alone, mindful to give a respectable and cautious amount of space between the two of you.

“How in the ever loving fuck did you found us?” You ask with a flat voice.

 He chuckles under his breath. “I have my ways. You morons always tend to underestimate me.”

 “Why are you even here?”

 “I think we both already know why.”

 “I won’t let you have him if that’s what you want. You’re a shitty person, what makes you think that I’d single-handedly give Dirk to you just like that? So please, for everyone’s sake and convenience, kindly _fuck off._ ”

With that, Caliborn downright laughs hysterically. “It takes more than your petty words to get me to ‘fuck off,’ English. I want my bitch back, and I’m not gonna leave until I have a leash on him again. He made a dick move of leaving me and never coming back.”

“Are you serious?! Allow me to remind you that _you_ kicked him out of your apartment.”

“I would’ve accepted him if he made an attempt at returning. I would’ve forgiven him in a heartbeat.”

You scoff. “Bullshit. Once he’s come back crawling to you, you’ll give him yet another fake sense of security. And then what? You'll tear that down forcefully and rake it through the mud like you’ve always done? If you’re concerned about Dirk’s well-being, then just stop trying to get him back into your abusive, toxic relationship.”

Caliborn makes a move to grab you by the collar, forcing you to look at him, face to face, noses merely inches apart. He bares his teeth, his eyes full of fury.

“Listen, fucktard, I’ve been dating Dirk for years now. I know how he ticks. I know how his smart, little mind works. I fucking _know_  that he wants me back. The only time he’s living his life fully is when he’s with me. I know that. And he knows that too, deep inside him. Even if he’s hidden away the feeling for all I care, he can’t hide from it forever. Just because a pussy like you comes into the picture, doesn’t mean that he’ll be satisfied enough to actually stay with you. You’re nothing more than a pathetic piece of shit. You’re nothing compared to me. I own him, he’s mine and _mine_  alone. With me, he’s stronger than he can ever be. With you, pampering him and giving him a _'fake sense of security.'_  You never can always protect him, because sometimes, he’s gotta fend for himself. You know why? Because life is never meant to be easy!”

“Life is never easy because assholes like you make it worse!”

Caliborn chuckles once again. “Listen, it’s very nice talking with you. But I’m getting what I want one way or another. Hell, if you even cooperate enough, we could arrange something and invite you to our apartment. You know, have a nice chat or whatever, I could even let you watch as I fuck Dirk afterward. He’s cutest when he’s all groaning and squirming underneath me.”

That’s it.

You’ve had enough of him.

With his words, your vision turns completely red. You can’t begin to comprehend what happens after. The next thing you know is that your right fist hurts like hell and that Caliborn is stumbling, nearly tripping away from you.

Caliborn cradles his broken nose, a shit ton of blood running down from it. He grins, reddish-brown eyes looking up at you with maniacal glee. “Well, shit, English. I didn’t know you had in you.”

“Leave.”

He shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

He suddenly lunges at you, with so much force that it knocks off the air from your chest. Surprised, you didn’t even have the chance to react before he starts -

Punch.

Punch.

_Punch._

Punch. 

Punch.

_Punch._

Fuck, that hurts.

Fuck.

Within seconds, every bit of your face hurts like hell, as if you’ve been punched for at least ten times.

Oh wait, you _were._

The punching stops, but the pain doesn’t. Your face is throbbing and wet with your own blood, you can barely even open your eyes at this point. When Caliborn decides to talk, you barely hear him throughout the ringing in your ears.

“Let it be said that I never wanted this to happen. All I wanted was you to cooperate. But then again, you’re a piece of shit. I know you’ve probably called the cops on me, you ungrateful sons of bitches. I didn’t wanna have to do this but…”

You feel something metallic pressed on your forehead, it’s hollowed at the center, you feel the gaping hole marking to your skin.

“... If I can’t have Dirk, then not even you can.”

So this is it? This is all how it ends?

 _Dirk, I’m so sorry I can’t protect you that well. I can’t even protect my goddamn self._  

You stop feeling or hearing anything as unconsciousness starts to seep in.

You lie there and wait for him to pull the trigger, to hear a _bang!_  shout across the area, or for at least a person to scream because someone finally realized there’s a homicidal maniac on the premises.

Something, _anything_ that could happen next.

It never came, though.

You’re not sure if you only passed out or if Caliborn had actually killed you.

But it _never_ came.

Nothing did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAAHHA I LIVE!!!!!!!!!  
> And yes, I know.. I haven't updated for more than 3 months, I'm terribly sorry for that, I hope you guys forgive me for that. Just - really, thanks for being patient with me ;-;
> 
> Not to worry anymore though, I have also finished writing chapter 14. I didn't want to post this chapter until I've actually done the final one so that you guys don't have to wait any longer than you already have. So, expect the last chapter next week. Bc this time, I'm actually gonna stay true to my word!! :DD


	14. And I will try to fix you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo this is the final installment of this fic. It's been one hell of a ride, I tell ya'. But for the last time, I hope you enjoy :))

Your name is Dirk Strider and -

No.

Fuck no.

He has no _fucking_ right to hurt Jake.

Your grip instantly tightens at the crowbar in your hands. You try to steady your breathing. To calm down. To keep your mind level-headed. You look down at Caliborn’s limp body, a sticky red patch now forming on the side of his head where you hit him.

He hurt Jake.

He was going to fucking pay.

Momentarily forgetting about Jake’s bloodied up form, you raise your crowbar once more, directly above Caliborn’s head, your arms straining as you prepare to unleash every ounce of strength you got to hit him. Again and again and _again._

But the moment you try to land the steel onto his flesh, a firm yet gentle hand stops you.

“Dirk, that’s enough.” A voice - Roxy’s voice - says, calm and reassuring.

You take a look at her, her pink eyes soft. She shakes her head, once twice. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do this," she says, and you all but cry. "It’s okay.”

She pries the crowbar away from your hands. In return, you stand there, shaken. “The cops will be here in a couple of minutes,” she continues. “I’ll call an ambulance for Jake.”

Of course.

Jake.

You rush towards Jake, kneeling next to his unconscious form. You cradle him in your arms, not giving a single damn about his own blood staining your shirt or your own skin.

“Jake, you asshole. Stay with me, okay?” you murmur at him, rapidly searching for a pulse. Fortunately, you happen to find one, but his breathing is faint and strained. You begin to panic.

God, you’re such an idiot.

“I swear to god, if you decide to die on me, you’re gonna fucking regret it.”

You failed him. 

“Don’t leave me, you asshole. I fucking love you, okay?!”

Tears then begin to sting your eyes, blurring your vision. You can’t even bear the thought of Jake dying, because of Caliborn even less so.

“I fucking love you…” You choked, desperate.

“Always.”

* * *

Your name is Jake English and you’re floating.

Floating. Floating aimlessly in a cold, dark abyss. You can’t move. You can’t speak. You cannot do _anything._

Just floating.

Everything is dark and empty. And you try to kick your way out of this miserable void, to claw your way out, to even find a single bit of light.

You have no idea how long you’ve been here, or how long exactly you will stay. You can’t possibly know anything. You’re just - here.

But one thing’s for sure: You’re tired.

You’re done fighting. You’re done trying. You’re done living. You’re just tired, and in a dire need of peace.

The cold actually starts to be more welcoming. Welcoming to the point that you feel it’s tendrils grabbing your limbs and trying to get you in deeper and deeper into the darkness. You suffocate, you gasp for air, but the darkness comes too quick, snuffing out your breath.

Maybe… maybe it’ll be better if you won’t fight it at all. You’re tired, after all. _Exhausted_ even.

Maybe… maybe staying in this void wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Maybe… maybe everything will be okay in here.

Maybe… maybe - 

“...Jake…”

What.

A voice calls out, muddled and muffled as if it’s speaking to you from underneath the water. It’s a familiar voice. Just hearing it sends a weird warmth in your chest. You remember exactly how much you came to love it. And now it’s calling on to you.

“I… die on… you’re… regret it.”

The voice is filled with anger. Anger and sadness and desperation all at once. You can’t help but feel for this person. You want to apologize. You want to vow that they never feel the same way again.

“Don’t… me… love you…”

_I love you too._ You remember saying once. It all seems like a blur now.

“...always…”

Always.

_Always._

Dirk.

Fuck.

Shit, you remember.

You remember everything.

Fuck the darkness, you need - you need to get to him right now. You fight your way out from the coldness of the arms that have almost surrounded you. You claw up and up and up and up towards the light, to the brightness, to the warmth that is his voice. You give your everything, every last bit of strength because in the end, you know... you know that he’ll always be worth it.

There’s a voice inside your head, saying one word, one name, over and over, chanting it like a mantra or a prayer. 

Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. _Dirk._

“Dirk,” you croaked out, your voice hoarse and scratchy.

You still can’t see nor move. You still feel like you’re floating.

But for now, you think it’s enough.

* * *

Your name is Jake English and everything’s painful.

Twitching your fingers is painful. Mouthing your lips is painful. Hell, even breathing is painful.

Yet you took every bit of will within you to at least move. Just. A. Little. Bit.

You open your eyes.

As your vision clears out, what you see for the first time in what seems to be like eons is a white blank ceiling, greeting you in all its bland glory. You blink, once, twice. You find yourself letting out a small, pained groan.

Then comes the sound of what seemed to be like the legs of a chair scraping across the floor.

You try to search for the source of the sound, but craning your head even felt a little painful. So instead, you use your voice.

“Dirk,” you mumble.

“Holy fuck, Jake?!” You hear a feminine voice reply.

You stare at her, barely seeing anything well with your swollen eyes. You manage to get a glimpse of her golden blonde hair and unique pink eyes, now filled with concern and shock. You remember her only too well.

“Roxy.”

“Holy mother of vodka, you’re awake! You’re not dead or forever in a coma! Holy shit - wait there, I’ll just - ” She makes a run towards the doors and shouts outside. “Hey, everybody, I’ve got a finally-awoken-patient here! Um hello? This is a top-priority emergency! Get your fuckin’ asses over here already!”

If you can, you would’ve laughed at Roxy and her typical shenanigans. Not sooner later, a doctor and some nurses come rushing into the room, checking your vitals, asking Roxy some questions about your sudden awakening.

But as all of the people take turns checking and poking and prodding at you, you can’t bring yourself to even pay attention to what they're doing anymore. 

Your mind only wanders off to a single thing, or better yet, a single person.

Dirk.

* * *

“How long have I’ve been here?” You ask Roxy in a raspy voice after a ten whole hours of finally being conscious. You’ve managed well, and while most of your face still hurts, you could actually get a good grip of your surroundings.

Roxy is sitting by your hospital bed, next to her is Calliope who came by as soon as the blonde told her of your waking. “About five days,” she answers.

“Holy shit.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

“Caliborn really did beat me into a pulp.”

“Yeah, you could say that. Wait ‘til you see yourself in the mirror, he ruined your pretty face real good, man.”

You groan at that, not even trying to think about it. “Well, what did I missed? What happened at the party? Any news on the goddamn psychopath?”

“That, we have,” Calliope chirps up, a soft smile making its way to her face. “We immediately called the cops after Dirk told us about - well, his intrusion. Then we heard the commotion outside, then we saw Dirk with a crowbar, Caliborn was passed out, and you _drowning_ in your own pool of blood.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah,” Roxy agreed. “There was so much blood, I would’ve called it ‘awesome’ if you weren’t the one bleeding the fuck out on my goddamn front porch." Calliope nods. "So anyway, Dirk knocked Caliborn out. He was so angry that he even wanted to beat up - or hell, maybe even kill - Caliborn too, good thing we stopped him for it. So we ended up calling an ambulance for you. Then the cops came, and then we spilled everything to the authorities about Caliborn’s wrongdoings and abuse. Every last one of it. And since the head of the police was Terezi Pyrope, a friend of Dirk’s older brother, they instantly had Caliborn under their custody.”

“Long story short," Roxy finishes. "Caliborn’s finally gonna rot in prison now and he can’t ruin our lives any longer.”

“Well, thank god the fuck out of that. Good riddance.” You mutter tiredly.

“I know right. At least, we’ll all be living peacefully from now on.”

“Where’s Dirk, though?” You ask. Well, as much as you’re glad that Caliborn would now be miles away from all of you, still, you can’t help but feel a tad sad and disappointed of Dirk’s absence. You kinda hoped that he’ll want to be with you again after you’ve woken up. 

You saw Roxy biting her lips as if she’s too nervous to answer your question. Calliope, noticing her girlfriend’s hesitance, answered for her instead. “Dirk’s away at the moment. He’s attending this important seminar about robotics a few cities over.”

“Why?” You hate the way bitterness began to lace in your voice. But - you just want to see him again after all the shit that’s happened. You can’t believe that he’s away _now_ of all times.

“Don’t blame him, Jake. Roxy and I were the ones who pushed him to go. When Roxy got a call from Dirk’s boss about his absence from work. Since - you know, he’s been spending his previous times hiding in your house.”

“They were asking if Dirk will be able to join the upcoming seminar,” Roxy added. “And - well, I saw it as an opportunity for taking a breaking from you.”

“’Taking a break from me?’ I don’t understand.”

“Dirk was worried sick about you, Jake. After that incident at the party, he was so anxious about your well-being, whether or not you’ll still live, that after you got admitted to the hospital, he won’t even leave your side. He could barely even sleep, he’s fended off eating just instant noodles and coffee, and he just looks so worried and stressed out. I mean - you can’t blame me, I had to do something!” 

Callie nods in agreement. “Yes, it truly was concerning. So Roxy came practically forced him to go to the seminar to at least get some fresh air, relax, and take his mind off of you for the time being. He didn’t want to go, but - his older brother also had to step in so, he practically had no choice.”

“I hope he’s taking good care of himself.” Roxy sighs. “We all know Dirk, he tends to over-worry every once in a while.”

“When we’ll he be back?” You ask.

“From what I remember, it’s a four-day seminar. He left two days ago. So I guess, he’ll be here by tomorrow.”

“Okay, okay. That’s good.”

“I know you’ve been itching to see him again. I’m sorry I had to make him go away. He didn’t want to leave you alone too.”

“It’s… fine, Rox. Don’t blame yourself for it, I mean - I would’ve suggested the same thing. That idiot sometimes honestly can’t get himself to care for his own well-being.”

“Well, that’s Dirk for you,” Roxy supplies a small grin.

“Yeah,” you agree, a fond smile worming its way to your lips. You recline back on your bed, letting out a sigh of exhaustion.

Maybe a few more hours of waiting wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

Your name is Dirk Strider and you’re so goddamn tired.

Tired from the five-hour bus ride. Tired from that blasted seminar you’re forced to go to. Tired from worrying about _Jake._

It’s true, Roxy, Calliope, and Dave did insist on you going the fuck away from Jake just to relieve you from all the stress and overthinking. Sure, it helped you get busy with other certain stuff, like your actual work. After all, robotics has actually always helped you in clearing your mind and making you relax.

But now that’s all said and done, now that you’re going back. Of course, like the complete shit you are, your mind is filling itself with worry about a certain boyfriend you have yet again.

Ugh, you hate this.

But whenever you close your eyes, all you could see is Jake, unconscious and with a face almost indiscernible with the amount of blood on his face.

All you remember is the fear of losing him. And every single time, your chest tightens by itself and your head starts to ache.

You’re just so tired.

You’re tired the whole bus ride, you’re tired when you exited the vehicle, you’re tired when you took a cab to the hospital. You’re tired when you walked inside, talked to the receptionist and made your way to the fourth floor.

You take a second guess of going back to your brother’s apartment and rest there for at least a whole day before dealing with Jake again. Because deep down, you know Roxy, Calliope, and Dave is still right. You should take care of yourself and you should stop over-straining yourself. You should know of all people, you’re the one who’s _fucking tired._

But then again.

_What if he wakes up and I’m not there,_ you thought to yourself. Taking a deep breath as you face the numbers ‘413’ on his hospital room. You knock softly, twice, thrice.

And then you enter.

You’re closing the door on your way inside when you heard it. “About time. I honestly thought that you’re not gonna visit today. Not that I’d mind, really.”

You recognize that voice instantly, you immediately turn around to face the bed and -

There he is.

All flesh and bone, alive and _awake._

Jake is okay, sitting up on his bed. And fine, he may not be a sight for sore eyes currently, and a couple of his teeth did in fact, fell off from Caliborn’s punches, but - he’s here, smiling that dumb, idiotic smile you’ve always loved. And it’s all you can ever ask for.

You never even had the time to reply before you march towards him, you feel your eyes stinging with tears, making everything blurry as you come reeling towards that green-eyed idiot and then punching him. Hard.

“Ow!” Jake recoils from pain. “What was that for?!”

“Yeah, Dirky,” Roxy, who apparently was sitting beside the bed, pipes up. You didn’t even realize that she's there also. “The guy had received enough punches from your asshole ex. Stop being mean to him.”

“You - you… You’re really stupid, you know that?!” You exclaim.

Jake frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t act as if you don’t know anything, English. It was highly idiotic of you for almost getting yourself _killed_ by fucking Caliborn.”

“He was making horrible threats, I had to do something!” He defends. “And besides, it was pretty stupid of yourself to stop taking care of yourself right after I was hospitalized.”

You don’t even know how he knew about that so fast, but you feel your face flushing. “That’s a different thing.”

“Oh? Then tell me, how exactly would that make a difference?”

“It just does!”

“That’s not really a good argument.”

“Well, whatever. You’re still pretty stupid for making me worry for fucking days. _Days,_ Jake, can’t you even fathom how - ”

You’re suddenly cut off by Jake lunging towards you to give you a heated kiss. As much as you wanted to protest, you instead melt into the kiss and return the gesture with equal fervor.

“Ooooookay, allow me to give y’all some privacy. Just call me when you need me,” Roxy says awkwardly before promptly heading out the room. If you weren’t too busy kissing Jake, you would’ve laughed.

It took seconds, minutes before you and Jake eventually break off the kiss. You rest your forehead against his, sighing deeply, satisfied because you know that he’ll be alright. He’s here and he’ll never leave.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that, ever again. Or else, I’ll kill you myself.” You mutter under your breath.

“Of course,” he chimes, teasing, staring at you fondly. “Duly noted.”

“You’re an ass.”

He rushes in for another kiss, stealing your breath away. “Only for you.”

“Don’t you dare even use that line on me, that was still very stupid of you.”

“But hey, at least, after all these years, I’ve actually had the chance to protect you.”

You roll your eyes in reply. “Yeah, and who got beaten up in the end again? Like he always had when we’re still kids?”

“At least I tried!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you were dumb,” you plant a soft kiss on Jake’s bruised cheek. “But I appreciate it. Like - a lot. Thank you for that.”

“Hmmm… I love you.”

“I love you too, dork.”

Laughter bubbles up between the two of you, so genuine to the point to hysterics. But it’s fine, you let yourself laugh around Jake because you know. You know that you’re safe and free from Caliborn. You kiss yet another kiss, one in a million that you would never cease to share with him.

Your name is Dirk Strider and your tired. Tired, but happy.

That’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIN
> 
> Aaaaaaaaaaaaand there you have it guys, the very end of this fic!! I just wanna say thank you to all of those who commented, bookmarked, subscribed, and left kudos in this fic (also, sorry for all the times I was MIA and didn't update for like - months). I will forever cherish your love and support, I never would've done this without you <333


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